Lady Lavender: Divinity in progress...

It’s never easy when a loved one leaves us but I think it’s especially hard when your mother is the one who goes. Recently, I got the opportunity to watch my mother cry silently over the death of her mother as she stood with a hopeful gaze in her eyes at the edge of her hospital bed. She was constantly squeezing her hand and hoping that with every little twitch of a finger or a “bump” in the eye that the life would return to “gran” or “gigi” as my daughter often referred to her great grandmother. I was there at the other side of the bed with my angelite crystal in pocket and desperately praying inside my mind directly to Archangel Michael. I wanted him to ask the “Maker” if he could please do something about this situation. “Ask Him if He can give her back life, breathe the spirit back into her”, I would think in my mind. No response from the Archangel Michael nor my grandmother. I listened to my mother go back and forth with stories that ranged from how funny she used to be, recalling a joke, and then back to puddles of tears streaming down the face. It was a like a rollercoaster made for emotions, uncontrollable, bitter and sweet all at the same time. How could this be happening to us and why now? I was certain that the last time she was in the hospital she would still live on at least another 2 years. I mean, I have plans for her to meet her new great grandchildren, to see me suddenly become a millionaire, to finally see my mom in a great big house, to see my daughter graduate from college …but those were my plans, right?

Time passes and still no response from grandma – she wasn’t responding as far as reflexes go and nothing would phase the glazed look she had in her eye. No tears, no blinks, - nada. It was a blank stare of who knows what – memories flashing by? Muted sniffles and muffled voices? Or perhaps she was already out of the body and watching everything we were saying, ..from above.? It was a long shot that she would survive this I was thinking but, I didn’t want to lose faith. I continued to call my Angels and I wanted them by my side – by her side – I wanted them to give me a sign to let me know that they were there – but yet, nothing came. – Finally the doctor entered and asked us if we were ready to remove the life support. It was a decision that mom and other family members helped her to make, along with the doctor’s recommendation. We were told that she was brain dead and that even if she did survive being off the machine, she would be in a vegetable like state. Her brain was not connecting to the body at all – perhaps from the trauma of being without air for so long…as you see, this was the state she was in after being resuscitated at least once already…

Late night, (the night before)around 11:30pm – Gigi herself phoned 911. My mom cancelled the call because the doctor said she was going into a state of dementia so she’d have reactions of this nature. However, about 15 minutes later, my mom noticed she really wasn’t breathing and phoned 911 again – they arrived in a flash. They tried for 4 – 5 maybe even 6 minutes and then finally, her heart starting beating on its own. My mom was relived at this point and I was on a darkened highway with my 5 year old and my grandmother’s sister in tow, fighting back the tears and sleep as it was nearly 1am before we were even close to arriving. It would be another 1hr and a half before we’d even arrive to the outskirts of my old home town.The next hours were spent waiting and hoping and sleeping in the uncomfortable chairs of the ER family waiting room. Finally she was placed into an intensive care unit and we were allowed to go back and see her – this was 5am. We stayed until 6 and then went home. Up again at 10 to return and stayed until time of death – 3:28pm.

The point of telling this whole story is that while deeply saddened by my grandmother’s death, I was and am extremely glad that I had the opportunity to be with her until this end because even if her brain had checked out long before, the spirit was still there. My mom gave the nod to start taking her off the medicines and the nurse explained everything she was doing. Once the medicine was off - she was still kept on the respirator. At some point before they took her off the respirator, I was standing at the foot of her bed. I placed my hand on her big toe and just stood there, looking, wondering, and wishing. My aunt – her sister- said a prayer and the one thing that I overheard was, “let us not be selfish as we release her into His kingdom”. It was at that moment, I thought to myself – yes, I agree. I mustn’t be selfish. I have to let you go. At that moment, the sign that I had been waiting for all night long came. I felt Archangel Michael come in very strongly – from the top of my head all the way through to my waist. I was clearly imagining (or feeling vividly), that his wings were holding me and comforting me – then just as I was getting ready to cry, something happened. A feeling and sense of peace suddenly overwhelmed me and as sure as it is day, I tell you, I swear I could feel her spirit come up through the toe and up my arm. She passed through my whole body on her way out. I didn’t hear any sounds but there was something going through my chest and out the other side. There is no way you could tell me anything different but I seemed to forget all about the noises and crying that I had been listening to from my mom and aunt. I suddenly found myself being able to let go.

I walked over to her , held her head and then kissed her on her forehead. I stepped back and sadness came over me as my tears began to fall. Nobody else could understand it as she was still “breathing” but I felt it and I felt it strongly. She loved us all and she knew that we loved her and she knew we were there because we did not want leave her alone. Soon, the respiratory expert came along and removed the tubes and disconnected the machine. She still had 20 to 30 heartbeats per minute but she was instantly not breathing. As the medicine completed its course, so did her body. 4 minutes later, the body was gone too. The nurse came in and said, “flatline.” The tears overcame my mother and then her nervous, “what am I going to do now” question came through. I was now strong enough to comfort her without crying because I knew that Gigi’s journey was just beginning, rather than ending… “I love you” I said whispering quietly under my breath and I turned back to get one last glimpse of her body just as her sister leaned over her to close her eyes. I knew that she was on her way to His kingdom and that Archangel Michael was gently guiding her towards the heavens…

May - the longest month it has seemed. So many things to do yet nothing seemed like it was getting done. Everyday that I came home from work, all I wanted to do was sleep. I worried that it was perhaps some form of depression but, when I actually got 8 hours of sleep, I felt like a million dollars and wanted to do everything. I had to keep reminding myself that this round of stress and being overworked was temporary. I had to do something to fight it or I was going to suffer from insanity. I decided to take charge of my life. I felt the nudge to not give up and be taken by financial woes, time restrictions, and paperwork so, I gave all my cares to the universe and literally said, "Take them away and bring me relief, please." - I stopped worrying about being overworked and as soon as I did that...the most amazing thing happened.

I didn't notice it until this week but, it all added up. I started leaving work early. Most of the time, I get home around 6pm and that's if I leave work at 5pm. I started leaving around 4 - 4:15 and I would arrive at 5. That extra hour helped me get the toddler ready with dinner and in the bed a bit earlier. I would spend my last hour (before my bedtime) unwinding with a glass of wine or simply soaking in the bath. It did wonders!

Next - I had also wished that I had more help around the house and just at that time, a dear friend of mine needed some help with getting her life turned around. She asked if she could stay with me for sometime and I said sure. She enjoys to cook (and clean) and she is very organized. When I get home, dinner is almost always made. She is even awake in the morning and even packs up a lunch for me to take to work. The amount of time I was saving myself was incredible and in addition, I had more time to talk with her and listen to her issues. I love how that all worked itself out. I was/am so very thankful that she has come to live with us, even if it is just for a short time. It's as if it was meant to happen...I wonder what's next?

yeah...so, almost died today. Other than that - it's been a pretty good day.
Before telling you this story, I must tell you about the events that lead up to this. WHen people say a near death experience changes you, well - granted - I didn't nearly drown nor did I flatline for 2 minutes and see "the light". What happened however, was just as scary...

So last night, January 6th - 3 Kings day. Had a great time watching the little one unwrap presents. Midnight rolls around - I'm still awake and internet channel surfing for something interesting to listen to. I stumble across a radio program and they are interviewing a lady who claims that she can photograph her Angels.

Bah! Yea right -- that's all photoshopped, right? hmmm..I watch her youtube video where she claims an Angel is in her kitchen. It's her Guardian Angel. I'm like, what? Why would a Guardian Angel be in her kitchen and let alone allow itself to be filmed? Bah! - Another photoshopped or 3-D effect added to the video, right?

I go to sleep with those ideas on my brain.

Wake up - chaotic morning. Kid, breakfast, clothes, coffee - out the door. On my way to work, I notice how brilliant the sun was. Nice and orange. The clouds were peppered with that slow-rising orange and I thought again about the lady and the Angels. I was thinking , "I wonder if this is what it looks like when people say they "see" and "hear" the chorus of Angels? Would the sky appear to be in flames? Or would the Angels appear out of a fire-orange red flame in the sky? hmmm...

In this moment, I then thought to myself, "I wonder if my Guardian Angel is with me right now? They are never suppose to leave your side..." - then suddenly, it happened. I'm driving down the road thinking about Angels and at the same time, sizing up the green traffic light. If it were to turn yellow, I'd go faster, rather than slow down. A little voice said - "HIT THE BRAKE!" - So, I slammed on brakes.

The traffic light turned yellow but, when it did - the cable on the left hand side of the road holding the traffic light, suddenly snapped and gave way. The whole thing came crashing down in front of me. Since I had already slammed on brakes before it actually snapped, my car came to a screeching halt, three steps away from where the lights and cables broke to bits in front of me. There was a small flash of electicity as it hit the ground. Everything was in slow motion for me and I felt like I was in the middle of the moovie 2012 - you know the one where the ground is breaking apart and people are just missing the holes and other flying objects by a milisecond?

I stared at the mess on the ground before me for what seemed like an eternity. The car in the opposite direction lane, happened to be underneath the light when it fell. He/she swerved to move out of the way, hit the curb, and flipped his/her car. About 5 or 6 people jumped out of their car to get to the flipped one. I just sat in my car, pretty freaked out. I started thinking of my 5 yr old. "Did I kiss her goodbye this morning? Is she wearing her jacket? Did I put chapstick on her lips before she left?" etc..and about 100 more things.

Finally, someone popped by the window and said, "are you ok?" I said yes and then I turned to look again at the mess. I finally pulled myself together and drove around it, and on to work. I stopped and asked if the guy in the other car was ok and people said yes, then I continued on. I got about 2 feet away and all of sudden tears came pouring down like rain. I couldn't catch my breath. I was shaky, shaking, nervous, and I panicked as I rolled up to the next traffic light. I was sooo glad to be alive and that people weren't picking glass out of my head while waiting for an ambulance. I'm SO glad that I wasn't waiting for a helicopter to pull me out of it all.I was happy to smell the coffee in my car, happy to see the school buses, happy to go to work, happy for the ants, the trees, the water that I drink, all the people I know, and in an instant, a billion people's names came to me. I'm happy I've lived as long as I have...

Before I got to work, I looked up towards the sky - this time, I wasn't thinking of the sky, rather the Heavens. I saw there, 5 bright orange like "flames" or pairs of wings - in the sky. Very distinct from the clouds - whispy almost and slight transparent. I couldn't help but wonder if they were 5 Angels watching over me but either way, I voiced out the words, thank you - I'm grateful. As I got to work, I jumped out of my car and hugged the very first person I met. I was so happy to be able to feel , see, hear, and just be alive...

Maybe not so close to death as some of you may have experienced, but - then again, any brush with danger is a little too close for me. I'm glad for every minute that I have lived on this Earth.

I have to say that 100% , not yet. But, I'm at 98% and the one thing that set me over the edge at believing that this stuff works, isn't all the "fun" stuff. I'm going to share with you a little story about my grandmother...

She's in her late 70's - She loves my child to death. She's not senile (yet) but is suffering from poor health. She doesn't take care of herself and therefore, is now suffering. She was an avid smoker and drinker until she had to go on oxygen. She loves to eat and is very overweight. She is now bedridden, but - she doesn't have to be. She just doesn't try.

Anyway, she was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. She basically needs to get more oxygen into the lungs so that she can keep pushing out the fluid that collects. She has to have a special diet, eat well, stay away from too much water based, and sugar based products, etc..etc.. Well, needless to say, she doesn't do it.

Oneday she was having a hard time breathing and we had to call emergency. She was rushed to the hospital and sedated. She had a lot of fluid in her lungs and pnumonia was settling in. I thought that her Angel of Death was close by and I knew my mother wouldn't be able to handle it if she were to leave us now. I tell you, I wished more than anything that she would get better. The doctors said that she could go 50/50. But her lungs were filling up with fluid faster than what they could pump out. I felt bad and in a way, I knew I had to do something.

The doctors came in one day and said that the fluid was very mucous like and that she had some kind of black substance in there as well. It was going to be hard work for her to get that out since her intake of oxygen was very poor. I panicked of course and knew that something had to be done. I thought about it all day and at some point, I slipped into "naptime". I'll never forget it - I was at my mom's house and I was just laying on the couch and slipped into that stage between sleeping and being awake - you know, the one where you can hear what's around you but you're still dreaming? That one... well, I dreamt that I was in a little spaceship - and I had entered into my grandmother's bloodstream. (Very , "honey, I shrunk the kids-ish") In this little "spaceship" I was sitting there with a giant toothbrush. (I know, hilarious right?) and once I got to my grandmother's ribcage and lungs, I got out of the spaceship with this giant toothbrush. All of a sudden, the darkness that I was in turned to a bright white surrounding, as if I had a flashlight, and I was able to see clearly the blacksubstance that was on the lung and sticking to the ribcage. Well, as you can imagine, I brushed , scrubbed, and cleaned every bone of the ribcage and cleaned off the lungs. Then, almost as if I were pressure washing the lung, I guess - I rinsed everthing off and drained it. I got back into my spaceship and jetted off. I woke up.

This dream to me was so vivid that my arms seemed tired when I woke up. I felt like I had been working. It was very strange. I ignored and just thought to myself - I wish I had the power to do that for real. Later that afternoon, we went to the hospital. What the doctor told us afterwards, I thought I was going to pee in my pants. He said that somehow, the amount of fluid in her lungs had diminished greatly and that the black substance that was there (I forgot what he called it) - was disappearing. They didn't know how but, her breathing had improved and within a few hours, if all keeps going well, they would have her lungs cleared. Sure enough - by the very next day - She was awake. Mildly sedadated and her lungs were cleared. The black stuff was gone and probably in the next 24hours (after some monitoring) she would be back at home. The Pnuemonia was gone or didn't completly settle - and her recovery was amazing.

That coincidence or miracle made me almost have a heart attack. I was freaked out yet overjoyed. As silly and ridiculous as it may sound - somehow, I attribute my "dream" to her recovery. Impossible - I know! Perhaps it's impossibly possible... whatever happened, made my grandmother recover and quickly. That was a while back and though she had to return to the hospital a few months later due to something else - she wasn't nearly as bad as she was the first time. She's still doing ok today.

After that incident - my 2% belief factor went up to 90%. Then all these little things make up that other 8% bringing me to my 98% - Through this blog, and more "testing" - perhaps I will convince myself of the other remaining 2%. If the key to the secret is visualization, then I do have a vivid imagination. The times that things have randomly come to me, I had visualized it happening and then later, it did. I tell you what though, a few days ago, I had a vivid dream about the lottery numbers. I was sooo lazy that I didn't get off my butt to go play those numbers immediately but, when I did...I found out that the numbers I played - based on my dream - had won the afternoon before. Since I don't watch tv much, I rely on checking things via internet. I bought the ticket and waited a few days and checked later. I saw that my numbers had won but -- I was just 24hrs too late. My ticket was dated the next day... damn - just damn!

Anyway, I shall keep trying. Maybe I'll have another dream or perhaps another bout of luck...