Lady Lavender: Divinity in progress...

It’s never easy when a loved one leaves us but I think it’s especially hard when your mother is the one who goes. Recently, I got the opportunity to watch my mother cry silently over the death of her mother as she stood with a hopeful gaze in her eyes at the edge of her hospital bed. She was constantly squeezing her hand and hoping that with every little twitch of a finger or a “bump” in the eye that the life would return to “gran” or “gigi” as my daughter often referred to her great grandmother. I was there at the other side of the bed with my angelite crystal in pocket and desperately praying inside my mind directly to Archangel Michael. I wanted him to ask the “Maker” if he could please do something about this situation. “Ask Him if He can give her back life, breathe the spirit back into her”, I would think in my mind. No response from the Archangel Michael nor my grandmother. I listened to my mother go back and forth with stories that ranged from how funny she used to be, recalling a joke, and then back to puddles of tears streaming down the face. It was a like a rollercoaster made for emotions, uncontrollable, bitter and sweet all at the same time. How could this be happening to us and why now? I was certain that the last time she was in the hospital she would still live on at least another 2 years. I mean, I have plans for her to meet her new great grandchildren, to see me suddenly become a millionaire, to finally see my mom in a great big house, to see my daughter graduate from college …but those were my plans, right?

Time passes and still no response from grandma – she wasn’t responding as far as reflexes go and nothing would phase the glazed look she had in her eye. No tears, no blinks, - nada. It was a blank stare of who knows what – memories flashing by? Muted sniffles and muffled voices? Or perhaps she was already out of the body and watching everything we were saying, ..from above.? It was a long shot that she would survive this I was thinking but, I didn’t want to lose faith. I continued to call my Angels and I wanted them by my side – by her side – I wanted them to give me a sign to let me know that they were there – but yet, nothing came. – Finally the doctor entered and asked us if we were ready to remove the life support. It was a decision that mom and other family members helped her to make, along with the doctor’s recommendation. We were told that she was brain dead and that even if she did survive being off the machine, she would be in a vegetable like state. Her brain was not connecting to the body at all – perhaps from the trauma of being without air for so long…as you see, this was the state she was in after being resuscitated at least once already…

Late night, (the night before)around 11:30pm – Gigi herself phoned 911. My mom cancelled the call because the doctor said she was going into a state of dementia so she’d have reactions of this nature. However, about 15 minutes later, my mom noticed she really wasn’t breathing and phoned 911 again – they arrived in a flash. They tried for 4 – 5 maybe even 6 minutes and then finally, her heart starting beating on its own. My mom was relived at this point and I was on a darkened highway with my 5 year old and my grandmother’s sister in tow, fighting back the tears and sleep as it was nearly 1am before we were even close to arriving. It would be another 1hr and a half before we’d even arrive to the outskirts of my old home town.The next hours were spent waiting and hoping and sleeping in the uncomfortable chairs of the ER family waiting room. Finally she was placed into an intensive care unit and we were allowed to go back and see her – this was 5am. We stayed until 6 and then went home. Up again at 10 to return and stayed until time of death – 3:28pm.

The point of telling this whole story is that while deeply saddened by my grandmother’s death, I was and am extremely glad that I had the opportunity to be with her until this end because even if her brain had checked out long before, the spirit was still there. My mom gave the nod to start taking her off the medicines and the nurse explained everything she was doing. Once the medicine was off - she was still kept on the respirator. At some point before they took her off the respirator, I was standing at the foot of her bed. I placed my hand on her big toe and just stood there, looking, wondering, and wishing. My aunt – her sister- said a prayer and the one thing that I overheard was, “let us not be selfish as we release her into His kingdom”. It was at that moment, I thought to myself – yes, I agree. I mustn’t be selfish. I have to let you go. At that moment, the sign that I had been waiting for all night long came. I felt Archangel Michael come in very strongly – from the top of my head all the way through to my waist. I was clearly imagining (or feeling vividly), that his wings were holding me and comforting me – then just as I was getting ready to cry, something happened. A feeling and sense of peace suddenly overwhelmed me and as sure as it is day, I tell you, I swear I could feel her spirit come up through the toe and up my arm. She passed through my whole body on her way out. I didn’t hear any sounds but there was something going through my chest and out the other side. There is no way you could tell me anything different but I seemed to forget all about the noises and crying that I had been listening to from my mom and aunt. I suddenly found myself being able to let go.

I walked over to her , held her head and then kissed her on her forehead. I stepped back and sadness came over me as my tears began to fall. Nobody else could understand it as she was still “breathing” but I felt it and I felt it strongly. She loved us all and she knew that we loved her and she knew we were there because we did not want leave her alone. Soon, the respiratory expert came along and removed the tubes and disconnected the machine. She still had 20 to 30 heartbeats per minute but she was instantly not breathing. As the medicine completed its course, so did her body. 4 minutes later, the body was gone too. The nurse came in and said, “flatline.” The tears overcame my mother and then her nervous, “what am I going to do now” question came through. I was now strong enough to comfort her without crying because I knew that Gigi’s journey was just beginning, rather than ending… “I love you” I said whispering quietly under my breath and I turned back to get one last glimpse of her body just as her sister leaned over her to close her eyes. I knew that she was on her way to His kingdom and that Archangel Michael was gently guiding her towards the heavens…