Lady Lavender: Divinity in progress...

Well, it has been awhile and I haven't gone to Yoga. My mom has been really ill with kidney stones and everything else you can imagine. I've missed work like 3 times in one week it seems and I'm far behind on catching up with the real world and the social world.

Without yoga this week, my life changed again. I noticed a strong imbalance in my way of thinking and my frustrations were so intense that it was almost scary. Perhaps it can partially be credited to the amount of stress that I feel at work and in the home life but, with yoga, it seems that I didn't struggle so much with those issues.I personally believe most of it comes from some hormonal imbalance while going through the mid-life crisis. Problem is, is that I'm not old enough for that yet - at least, so I hear. Either way, I'm feeling a pull to go on a year long sabbatical in Tibet. Meditation is calling me, the chanting feels good, and my intuition is getting scarily accurate. I feel like - what am I still doing here? Yoga, believe it or not - helps balance me.

Aum Tala Yoga: Lokaaa...bhavantu....

I love this stuff. Aum Tala yoga is something that was designed by two amazing people. They mix chanting mantras and flow yoga all together somehow and have it all set to live music. It was fantastic. Tonight's workshop was all about being connected with Earth and gaining balance which was in tune with exactly what I needed. It was funny how it worked out that way but it was a nice surprise to hear.

The place was a lovely martial arts studio on a top floor with gianormous windows. They had turned off most of the lighting and let candles light up the place. The place was very warm and cozy feeling plus, the addition of the live music - one guy on a mat with several authentic instruments from India, really spiced up my auditory senses. We start with chanting Ohm or Aum / probably Aum since the name of the workshop was Aum Tala... we did that 3 times. The vibration that one feels inside can instantly start to soothe the soul. We also got a chance to chant, Ganapati Ohm - to help remove energy blocks, and of course at the end - Ohm Shanti for peace, and Lok souki no....bhavantu - which I believe basically means, be happy. Either way, they were great releases and we sang one chant for 108 repetitions - Ohm dada dadaye namaha. It was all very uplifting and the strangest thing is being able to feel the energy shift. I was in a good place last night and I even made it to visualization during the meditative shavasana at the end of it all.

On the physical side of it, we did many things. Downward dogs, planks, side plank, warriors, etc.. all the ones that used to give me such a hard time. I noticed that tonight for the first time, I was actually able to hop from the standing forward folds to plank. Normally, I have to ease in to it. I was quite proud of myself. I was feeling lighter on my feet and when we did tree pose, I was able to hold it very steady this time. I still couldn't get my leg up to my thigh but, besides that - I was standing there - grounded! I was so happy with myself and my body. It was amazing. We even did a flowing pigeon. Who knew that there could be a flowing pigeon. She made us rock back in forth, do some prayer poses, all while sitting in pigeon. I thought I was going to pass out because my core was engaged the whole time. I'm sure I lost at least 1 inch on around the belly area. Needless to say but when we finished, I was downward facing dog tired. I was glad to be done with it all but most of all, I was thankful for having sweated profusely, gained physical prowess and experienced more enlightenment.

After it all I was glad to go home but I was more thankful for having found this wonderful group of instructors. I feel loved in that room no matter what and the end of it, I absolutely adore the fact that she anoints us all with some essential oils. Felt like lavender and eucalyptus or peppermint. Nice, soft, uplifting and invigorating - the oils almost mimicked how I was feeling at the moment. I hope to be able to go on a week long retreat with them. I think it would definitely be good for my soul and I should be allowed to take time out for personal development. Namaste!

Basics for dummies?

Wow - I totally went to a basics class and thought I was going to die. It seemed to be cross between flow and gentle. I was having a hard time with this class, unlike the first basics class I took. I'm guessing that it must be the instructor that either makes or breaks the class for you.

In this class, we were doing tree poses which I kept falling out of here and there but, I was doing a good job I thought. I was in downward facing dog so many times, that I thought my eyeballs would fall out from the blood rush to the forehead. At some point, we even had to do crow - which I wasn't going to try. However, somewhere I got the notion that I needed to try it anyway just to see how well I could do it. I tried it and at first, I couldn't even get steady with it. But the first 3 or 4 tries, I was finally able to get airborne. My feet were off the ground and I was completely steady - for at least .5 seconds. Then I toppled over, head first. Ouch! My knee was hurt when I landed but I was glad that I was the only person who laughed. Despite the pain, I got back up and tried it once more. I couldn't get my feet off the ground again but I was glad that I did make that 1/2 a second. It was very exhilarating to know that I was almost able to do it.
I thought to myself, is this a basics class? But when I think about it, I guess basics just goes over the basic moves which are not always beginner's moves.

After class, I did feel like I had accomplished some great amazing feat. My knee hurt for the rest of the night but I was glad that I had gone. The next day, my long distance relationship boyfriend... don't ask, that's another blog altogether,... we went dancing. I was happy to hear him tell me how good I looked and how peaceful I seemed. Part of it was because we were going out. I hadn't seen him in about 4 months, maybe longer... the other part was because I knew that yoga had something to do with it. It's only been 8 days and more and more people are picking up on things. I think that is just fantastic. I look in the mirror and perhaps it's just me, but I often think that I look more toned and more in shape than I ever have. I'm feeling good and proud to be me! What a great yoga weekend!

Restorative Yoga?: What's that?

So, this time I went to a restorative yoga class. I was thinking that it was going to be a class where the instructor walks around and corrects your positions, etc. But, it turned out to be a class where I almost just slept the whole time.. It was great! I mean, I felt a little bad at first for thinking that it was a waste of time until I noticed the young man in front of me. He was quite young, about 24ish so it seemed and he had sort of a sideways slump in his torso. It also appeared that his side was a bit turned inward. His friend, sister or partner was definitely helping him along as we did some of the moves.

I tried focusing on myself but I couldn't help but pay more attention to the young man. What had happened to him I wondered? Is it curable? Is it from an accident? Was he born that way? I suddenly found myself off in curiosity land, contemplating every possible scenario. The last thing that went through my mind was how is this easy class helping this guy? I didn't think it would be helpful to him at all until I noticed that in the beginning of the class, he was very much slumped over. After a few moves, he was able to sit up straighter and taller but his friend kept helping him out. Finally, towards the end of the class, he was able to sit straight up, nice and tall on his own. He held the sitting pose for at least 2 seconds before he released himself back into his normal slump. He was tired and I could see his face turning red. His friend and the teacher gave him a hearty pat on the back and I could tell that he was giving it a lot of effort and what it must be like to have come so far. Being able to do that, must have been a milestone for him.

He was assisted during much of the class but I could see that as he progressed, he was starting to understand how to do the simple poses and how to situate himself. He was putting so much effort forth on trying to do the hands and knees or cat pose, that I believe he needed to take a break a few times. I suddenly found myself feeling a little bad for thinking how easy things were for me but then, I started thinking about the man in front of me. Look how much this simple class is helping him - I thought. Look at how dedicated he is to try to get himself back in order and look how pleased he is with himself. I started to rethink why I was there. . . I observed the man one more time and I was taken with happiness. I was glad he was there and I was happy to see someone with a will take charge of mind, body and soul. I was thankful to witness his effort or struggle be it doctor recommended or personal. I was joyous to think about myself and the very reasons I came - to heal. We were all there to heal and improve our mind, body, and spirit.
The experience of the restorative class became much more precious to me. I didn't have to feel like my body had gotten a heavy workout in order to be pleased and satisfied with my progress. I was thankful that I have a goal and that I'm sticking to it.

After class, I made the commitment and bought myself an unlimited monthly pass. Now, I have to use it!

Back to Basics: ouch!

Ok, so it's been 6 days of yoga, not even consecutively and I'm quite sore. My shoulders ache and my hips feel as if they need cracking. I think even my eyelids are a little sore but the funny thing is that I'm feeling pretty good about it. Rather than thinking how out of shape I am, I have to keep thinking how much work I'm doing to get in shape. That keeps me happy. It's a goal that I can't wait to reach! Imagine that, feeling good and looking good all the time! I get giggly when I think about how much potential my body has. I'm glad to be nourishing it.

Today I decided to take the basics class. I thought that it would be awesome because finally I'd get to learn how to do things the right way. Little did I know that this class would have the most butt-kicking moves! Our instructor didn't make us do head stands or crows or anything like that. Instead, we focused on things like the downward facing dog and plank. Chair and reverse warrior seemed to be her favorites. They weren't hard moves but since we had to hold the poses for 5 to 6 breaths, maybe even 8 at some point, I starting sweating like you wouldn't believe! I could feel the muscles in my core be weak, trying to get stronger, and I could feel my balance a little off yet trying to become stable. At one point I thought I was going to pass out from trying so hard then she came to me and said, relax. I was happy she was there to help me through it and she even held my foot up while we were trying to do something that I can't even pronounce the name of yet.

I was puzzled to think that I had made it through Vinayasa flow and the intermediate levels yet this basic class for beginners was making me need a towel. I can tell that now, I'm finally doing it right because I can feel the energy move up and down my spine, my ankles,through my hands, fingers, and toes. I actually know when my core is engaged and when I'm letting the belly be soft. I was quite happy with my struggle and when the instructor came along and grabs my hips to put them where they are actually supposed to be during downward facing dog, I could feel that pull that everyone else usually talks about. I almost bursted into tears because I kept thinking to myself, wow! I can finally do things the right way! This is amazing! I'm going to be in shape within no time! I loved being there at that moment and it was a great feeling. I'm thinking that this one is going to be my main class. I was glad I chose to go.

We even had one person almost quit and leave the class. About 55mins in a lady rolls up her mat and is about to walk away. The instructor, without stopping what she was doing mind you, looks around and says to her - aw, stay with us! The hardest part is over and you did an amazing job! Just a little while longer? - We all looked over thinking she'd walk out but to my surprise, she unrolled her mat again and grabbed another blanket. I was quite pleased as the instructor then went to her and gave her more reassurance and coached her along through the last two poses. I smiled and I was glad she stayed.

We completed the class with a well welcomed shavasana. I looked around and everyone was panting and sweating. What a great class. I remembered to thank my body and of course, the instructor, for allowing me to feel good. I also thanked Yoga because even today at work, somebody told me that they noticed a little more spring in my step. I had to attribute that to my new found strengths and not weaknesses. Thanks yoga!

I almost feel like celebrating because I have 95 more days left. Making it to the 5 down mark, makes it feel like I'm creating a dent and reaching my goals. I was very happy to think about it when I got up today. I haven't been able to do yoga all this week as I've worked from 730am until about 730pm. Between work and my mom passing two kidney stones, this week has been quite rough.

I've noticed that my moral is way low when it comes to work. I notice how much people just don't want to be where they are. I notice how much the kids seem like it's my responsibility to allow them to goof off in class. Somehow, I believe they think they are entitled to not learning. They'd rather we give them the answers rather than challenging them. With that said, I was craving today. I wasn't sure that I'd be able to make it since my mom is very sick and in a lot of pain. But she woke up this morning feeling great so I was able to go out and get some fresh yoga!

Today I took the All levels Vinayasa Flow class. At least I'd heard this name before so I kind of knew what to expect. It was just what I expected, lots of flow. The instructor wasn't the one that they normally have so I'm not sure of what the relationship that any of the people have.

The energy was fine and she was very nice. She checked on people here and there and went around to see. She also took the time to explain what we were supposed to be doing. I was happy with myself because I was able to do pigeon without complaining so much. I even sat on my knees and only had to stop once to do child's pose. I was thankful for the last class when the instructor showed me how to do cobra correctly. I could feel I was doing it right by the way my spine felt. I could feel the stretching and it felt good.

I believe we stretched everything that was possible to stretch in the body. When I walked out of there, the class seemed like it had gone by quickly, I broke a sweat, and I felt 2 feet taller. My hips I could tell were just a little more aligned and my left side was inflamed but my right side wasn't. I was able to balance with the foot at my shin during tree pose and I could even do side plank with a knee bent. I had made some real progress in just 5 days. My knees felt a little wobbly and my core is still weak but I noticed myself sitting up straight automatically. This is wonderful.

Class was over just as soon as it began so it seemed. I remembered to thank myself and the room and the instructor for having such a wonderful time. This time when I walked out of the center, I noticed something very different. I was aware of how peaceful I was and how much others weren't. I noticed that everyone around me was in a hurry and how people drove in their cars and seemed frustrated that they had to get out and about. I thought to myself, wow - what a wonderful beautiful place this world is and nobody seems to pay any attention. Imagine if only the whole world was as peaceful as I am right now. The light turned red and as I sat in my car, I focused on the outside world. I looked at every car that drove by, I noticed the trees, the people walking, the colors, and the birds. I let the window down and breathed in the air. It really was a beautiful day and I was grateful to be able to see it, hear it, and smell it. My life is changing and frankly, I'm glad.

*Photo from the website: www.yoga.com

Day 4: Kundalini

I've never tried it nor heard of it but, it said on the schedule that it was a level I class. Great! Good for beginners although I'm starting to feel like an ol' pro. I actually understand some of the words. My favorite sound so far has been "Tadasanah." No matter the spelling - It just feels good when I stand up and think, Tada! I'm doing it!

I liked that in the last class, at the end the instructor thanked me for coming and he commented on how well I had done. Maybe that's small and trivial but, it made me feel really confident and good about having been there. I started to realize the importance of thanking my body for having done well too. If I consciously feel that way when somebody thanks me, then my body must feel the same when I thank it.

Time for class: The woman is a bright eyed older lady with slightly curly red locks. We were a small class that night so I felt like I did during the first night, a little timid, a little like I'm intruding on their space. However, that all changed when the instructor saw me before class started, she came over and introduced herself. She made it known that I was welcomed and she hoped I would enjoy the class. That simple little gesture instantly made me feel like I was part of the group and not a shadow on the wall looking in. It made me think of the old dracula movies as in order for a vampire to come in to your home, he/she had to be invited. Silly, I know but then again, I do have a very vivid imagination.

I went in and what I noticed was that everyone had two blankets and had folded one over their mat while the other was in the position for sitting on. I pretended I knew what I was doing and happily walked over to get another blanket. I sat an waited just like everyone else, not knowing what to expect though. My classmates consisted of older European guy, maybe Dutch, German or Norwegian as his accent sounded familiar to me. He was perhaps in his 60's or 70's, adorned himself with large round black glasses and had his shirt tucked in to his modern day daisy duke shorts. I smiled a bit but not to laugh at him, rather in knowing that someday, I'd be as old as he was and hopefully I'd still be doing yoga. I said to myself, I'm glad he is here.

On the other side of me were the younger people, an African guy perhaps, at least judging from his accent he sounded Nigerian maybe. He was definitely a college student, another middle aged Indian woman, and finally a American guy with a good ol' southern drawl. I was slightly tickled again at the fact that we had people from all walks of life and previously, I'd always thought yoga was just another trend sparked by some celebrity. People did it because it got popular in Hollywood and to see these people here, that helped break that idea. In my mind, I thanked them all for being present with me.

The next thing we did was what I thought was a warm up of breathing exercises. We did that quite sometime plus a little bit of chanting. Sat naam I think we said a few times and we even sang a short mantra. Very cool . I could feel my energy opening up or coming in. It was nice.

After we finished this segment of breathing, I realized that the Kundalini was all about breathing. I especially liked that the instructor paid more attention to me since she knew that I was the new kid on the block. She was always looking and I felt like even though she was across the room, that somehow she was tutoring me as we went along. A few times she came over to make sure I was breathing correctly and her moving around the room helped a lot. She remembered me and it made me feel accepted.

We did a lot of movement with something similar to the breath of fire I believe it was, plus maybe some pranayama. Excuse me if I mix up terms at the moment, but I'm still learning. I know I had to breathe really forcefully - exhale push out, inhale push in. It was neat but I got a little light headed and had to stop. We even breathed out of one nostril at a time which seemed to make a difference in my breathing. Very interesting how that works.

Anyway, we continued doing all sorts of things - not too much physical movement but when we did it, boy - we did it! We did it quick and fast to match our breathing. I could only get about 5 of the 10 repetitions that we'd do before my muscles said, no way! I did what I could and kept going as long as possible. I broke a sweat just by breathing! How was that possible? I thought to myself. Finally the end came and shavasanah was much welcomed. My body was tired yet very refreshed. I was breathing well and it seemed like I was breathing in clean air. I was glad to see everyone, even though I had never met them. It's amazing what a little gratitude can do to change your mood.

I didn't stay for the fruits this time but as I was walking out the instructor asked me how did it go. I told her how I felt, great, relaxed, and like I'd had a fantastic workout. She was glad to hear it and I was glad to tell her, thank you.

I will perhaps revist this class again. I left to go straight home as I was super tired. When I got home though, I really needed some tea. I decided that chamomille tea was going to be the best. I never crave tea but I wanted some chamomille and I couldn't figure out why. My roomate comes home and tells me, perhaps I just needed some comfort. When she said I thought, yes! That's it. I had a craving for warm arms all around me and wanted the love to flow through and out to the world. I didn't have anyone with me so, the body pillow had to make due. I drank my tea and then, I laid my head on the pillow. I think I was out before I took even 10 breaths.

I woke that morning with a very strange excited energy. I was happy to be alive and I was glad to see the morning come. Again, I had the gayatri mantra stuck in my head and off to youtube clicked my mouse. Today could only bring happy thoughts and amazing changes. I was ready to tackle work. Today was the first day that someone at work asked me if I had been loosing weight! Yay!

So today, even though it has been a bit - I am on day 3. I decide to take the intermediate class at that same center. It was more of what I was looking for , though he was going quite fast. I had to sit it out when he decided to let everyone do headstands of course. I'm just not ready for that yet.

The class was pretty good, lots of concentration trying to keep our balance and most importantly, the flow. I like having things that move fluidly and quickly, taking a rest from time to time. I like flowing and holding poses and of course, I need the attention to make sure I'm getting postures right. The instructor did a little bit of it all. I think I'm just spoiled from our weekend retreat as I got everything I needed there - and more! I suppose I will get used to the class as I will eventually stop comparing the two. I'll take what I can get.

I left the class feeling like I'd had a workout. I didn't feel so spiritual though as this class lasts until about 9pm. I was more sleepy and tired than anything. I went straight home and right to bed. I had a little bit of applesauce, a roast beef sandwich, and water. Then out like a light. I didn't even stop to turn off the lights in the house.

I woke up the next morning with the chant of the gayatri mantra stuck in my head. I was forced to find it again in youtube and listen to it 108 times as to satisfy that "song in the head" craving...
I started my morning again, quick and frustrated. I'm becoming aware of my actions and habits and what needs to change in order for me to reach a day of 100% calmness.

Day 2: A different yoga

So, now I decided that I wasn't going to return to the other place. I need something a little more spiritual and guiding. I searched in internet for something closer to my workplace this time and I found several places. I decided that this time I'd call the center and speak to someone. If I could feel the warmth through the phone, I'd go and try it. Long shot right? Well guess what...it worked!

I spoke to a woman who really addressed my needs. She knew what kinds of questions to ask me about my current state of health which was something that drew me into the program. They felt like they cared about me. I also got a chance to ask them questions so it was more like I was interviewing them for a position in my well-being. In case you're having the same issues or can't seem to find a place good enough for you, here are some of the questions I asked.

- What kind of yoga is it? I believe I need more stretching and flow than kick your butt type yoga.
- What kind of music is being used? It's very important to me since I'm looking for the spiritual aspect of it as well.
- Is there any chanting before or after the routines? This part of the yoga that I experienced on the retreat really seemed to resonate with me and felt like a cleansing. I'm attracted to that part of yoga as well.
- Do the rooms have air conditioning? Windows? Mirrors? Sounds silly to ask this I thought but the woman on the phone agreed with me that environment was key.
- Finally, class size? How many people attend and are the instructors able to give a few seconds to ensure that each person is doing it the right way? I like to feel taken care of, especially since I'm recovering from 8 weeks of chiropractic treatment for arthritis in the knees and lower back pain.

She answered everything she could and gave me the truth. Although they weren't much on the chanting, the did/do offer a kundalini class at least once a week. The woman told me she was a yoga instructor there at the center and she thought I'd be good for their gentle yoga sessions. I was sold and a few hours later, I found myself standing at their doorstep.

It was just as she said only that night the class was huge. The room was warm and comfortable and there were windows and mirrors. The decoration was minimal but most importantly, the energy of the place was bright and soothing. Just what I needed. The woman who gave the class was very nice and the best part of the yoga, was the end. I loved the ending when she walked around to everyone and put her thumbs on our spine and maybe she had some massage oil too. Whatever she did really topped off the session. Finally, just when I thought it was over, another woman walks in and delivers fruit. Just a few pieces but the instructor announces that it's so our blood sugar level balances back out. We can take it or leave it. I didn't take any this time but I noticed that the people who did had created a little circle of conversation. It was good to seem them chill out around the fruit bowl and talk about their day. It made me miss my brothers and sisters from the forest.

I noticed how I felt this time. Satisfied but still missing a little edge. Maybe it was just me. My body wanted more and I could feel the desire coming up from the soul. Am I addicted to yoga? Hmmm I wonder. I drove home and though I wasn't very tired, I had been sweating. I became fully aware of where the weak parts of my body were, what parts were inflamed and which parts were feeling food. I didn't get that from the other session. I also noticed a good sense of peace within self. I was feeling good. Very good. Better than I had been feeling in a long time... I can't wait for day 3.

The prolonged effect: The next day

I woke up at 5:45am the next day expecting to encounter sore muscles but I didn't. Instead, I felt like I'd just had the best sleep one could imagine. I noticed that I wasn't groggy despite the late night I'd had and since my knees are often the issue, going up and down the stairs usually aches in the morning...that morning, they didn't. I felt like I was on fire in the soul and I was going to attack the day with the best attitude possible. I don't usually meditate in the mornings nor give myself that 10 minutes of peacefulness but when I woke up, I found that some of the chanting from the weekend retreat had found itself back into my brain. It was going on and on so much and so loudly that I had to go straight to YouTube and find the Gayatri mantra and listen to it. I played it 4 times as recommended but at the same time, whenever it would stop, I'd have to start it over again because the house would seem empty without it.

I get to work and only find that my day will be just as tough as always. I don't let it get me down because the only thoughts that were in my head and heart was yoga and the mantra. After work, I have to go to a chiropractic follow up visit. I get there and usually everyone tells me how stressed I look and they ask me about my day. Nobody said anything today. I wondered if they were just as stressed out as I usually am. One woman who works there however, noticed me while I waiting. She commented on how peaceful I looked and she said that today was the first day she'd noticed peace in my expression. She asked me what had I been doing and I said nothing but a little yoga here and there. She responded and told me that it must be working. I suddenly became proud of myself for making this 100 day commitment. I'll get there no matter what. I am happy that I'm getting used to feeling wonderful...

What a comment and only after 2 days. Really a few more if you count the weekend but, wow what a difference. I noticed it and so did others. How empowering is that? I'm glad to be on this journey and I am glad to share it with everyone...

Thus, my experience in the forest has made me want to become a better person - a more stable spirited and minded woman, and of course, more fit. I've decided to continue doing yoga and I wanted a dramatic change so therefore, I shall dedicate myself to 100 days of yoga.

Day 1: Disaster yoga

So, day one of my 100 days of yoga. The first thing I must do is search for a yoga place near me. I was doing some yoga this summer but the place was so far across town that getting there after work would nearly be impossible with all the traffic. I thought of a place near my house which seemed very warm and inviting so I checked their schedules and sure enough - yoga! Yay!

I show up without a mat or any other accessories and asked about getting into the class. The receptionist was quite and all smiles and happy that I would join them. She appointed me to a very cold room of course with only a few candles and there I waited for class to begin.
I was quite excited about the class because I remember how wonderful and liberated I felt from my weekend in the woods. I was yearning to connect to more people on that spiritual level and doing yoga was going to get me there. As I was off in daydream land, the instructor walked in. Very tall, very tan, very thin. She greeted everyone with tales of her lovely beach vacation. I giggled for a moment because though I had been very close to the beach, my paradise was a lot different than hers. Anyway, she began the class...

I was quite happy when she said we'd start the class with an Om. Of course, after having listened to kirtan chanting in person to a man with an amazing voice - I expected this om to be very similar. The class of 5 people, opened their mouths and let out a big fat...teeney tiny. ... ooomm. It lasted about 3 seconds. I was quite disappointed in that... nevertheless, I decided that my intention was going to be to enjoy this class as I make a step forward in the development of my well being. We keep going...

The flow of the class was good I have to say but, something was missing. It was too cold in there and the music she played was all Jack Johnson-ish. I mean, I love the guy but not while I'm doing yoga. I prefer something more spiritual. We did a lot of things that were very quick and flowing and sometimes she'd check us. We ended with a short shavasana which I think lasted about 8 minutes. All in all, it was ok but the energy I felt in there was nothing like this weekend had been. In fact, it felt only sportive rather than spiritual. I felt like there was a need in there to be fit and do exercise. There seemed to be lacking the meditation part which is also very important to me. I must say that when I walked out of there, I felt even more disconnected and the longing to see my brothers and sisters again returned with such passion that I was ready to jump in the car and drive back just to bask a little while longer in their energy. I don't think I'll return to that particular studio again but it hasn't destroyed my determination. I will complete 99 more days!

The next morning, I awaken with the morning sunlight. I feel strong and confident that it be a great day. Though a little terrified of the morning bugs that I may find in the outhouse, I muster up some courage to go there and try it out. It's just one small obstacle to get over, right? I get there, no bugs, so the potty time is easy. Now, off to conquer the showers. I arrive there with my towel, toothbrush and clothes for the day and of course, somebody is using it. I decide to wait, in another part of the forest.

The Labyrinth: A lovely sacred place.

The labyrinth is close to the showers so I decided to go over there while I wait. The idea is that you can walk in it with a question in your mind and by the time you've gone through it, you will have an answer. Pretty cool I thought - never mind the sacred part. I go in but without a question but a hope - I was hoping that I would be shown my spiritual life purpose path.

I entered the labryinth and as I walked through it I'm looked down at ground. I figured, hey - why look up when the path will guide me. I started off very slow and I was listening to some binaural beats in my ipod. I walked slowly and steadily, almost marchlike but as I focused on my breathing, I noticed something started to change. I became more aware of the sound of my feet and breathing as I picked up the pace. It was as if all the moving parts of my body were suddenly in sync. I wasn't in tune with the music I was listening to but rather in sync with my body, breathing, walking, and watching the ground. I started to focus and it seemed as if I were in a trance of some sort. Nothing seemed to matter except keeping the pace.

The thoughts came and quickly disappeared. I found myself focusing on 1 question - where will my life path take me? I remember at some point, I asked Arch Angel Michael to come in to greet me and of course, I felt him there. All around me. An unexplainable bliss fell over me and tears came from my eyes. It was so weird. I kept going and as I walked around, I saw signs. I mean, real signs - in the middle of the forest. How crazy is that? Basically, my question was getting answered.

The signs: How did that get there?

First, I saw a few rocks piled up on top of each other like a triangle. I understood that it meant, my foundation must be strong so build it. The next thing I noticed was a figure in a tree stump that looked like a heart. Love yourself - is how I took it. Then when I arrived inside the core of the labyrinth, I notice a Chinese symbol carved into a rock. I couldn't read it but it seemed to transform itself into the words, O.K. - I took that as meaning everything is going to be alright if I stay on track. I stopped to take the time to look at all the things people had left before me and it seemed like each one of those items meant something to me to. As I walked out of the core and back around, the signs I noticed said beauty and patience. Amazing how your questions get answered in ways you least expect it, isn't it? I left feeling peaceful and comfortable with my life. Now if only I could feel that way before getting in to an exposed open shower...

The shower was actually a magical experience for me. Being able to shower in the early morning light with the open forest right there at my back was a little frightening yet also enlightening. I was able to turn my gaze towards the forest and for once feel as the whole world were watching, without judgment. I felt the gaze of the beautiful trees, and the wandering eyes of the sky above - looking and examining me but with arms of joy. They were welcoming me home and they let me know they were glad I had returned. I can't explain it but for someone who is terrified of public exposure, somehow - showering there, where anything or anyone could have come up - gave me more optimism and most importantly, a realization and love for the natural beauty of the forest, and for my own. After that shower, I felt as if I had not only washed off dirt and the remains from a lovely bond fire, but that I had also uncovered a precious gem that lie beneath a layer of ignorance.

Morning Mantra: Om sweet Om

The rest of the morning brought me to kirtan chanting. It was 108 repetitions of the Gayatri Mantra. It basically asking the brilliance of Divinity to illuminate us. Om Bhur Buvaha Suvaha
Tat Savithur Varenyam / Bhargo Devasya Dheemahi / Dhiyo Yonaha Prachodayat would be the original words and of course, there are many version on the internet so if you're curious and want to know more, just google it. I walked over to the lovely glass house and arrived just in time for chanting. At first, I didn't want to surrender to the vibrant sounds but eventually, I did and when I let myself relax and just be, only then did amazing things begin to happen.

First, I had a deja-vu - big deal, right? But this time I made myself stay in the moment and it worked. It dawned on me that I had dreamt this scene 3 weeks before. It was something about chanting, a blanket, and a guy on a bike. Later, I asked my friend if she remembered the dream I had told her about and luckily, she did. We both realized it at the same time - the guy that we had met on the bike earlier, the blankets wrapped around the people and the chanting were all the same things that I had mentioned some 3 weeks before. Incredible, isn't it?

After a few more moments of silence, I went even further into my trance or daydream. I had a vision of me teaching yoga only I wasn't myself. I turned into a figure that was larger than life. This figure was gigantic and had 6 arms. It was female and had a red jewel in the middle of her crown. From the top two hands, I was pouring out energy upon the people. The middle two hands were doing yoga and the bottom two hands were making sure that the energy was being distributed evenly amongst the people. I took it to mean that my life was at a crossroads. A change was upon me and so I must be aware of my own energy. Distribute my own energy evenly throughout the varied activities that I enjoy. When I arrived back to civilization, I asked my Hindu friend if she knew anything about this vision. She told me to search for a goddess called , Kali. When I read about Kali - I was completely floored. Kali apparently was also known for the goddess of eternal energy! wow! absolutely amazing.

Downward facing dog again: The ultimate peace

That afternoon at yoga was also a very uplifting and wonderful experience for me. By this time, I was completely floating on air after having had my visions, talking to new people, and just becoming one with nature. Could it get any better? Of course it did. I show up to the yoga, ready for action. I was worried it would be too much for me since I am recovering from arthritis in the knees and 8 weeks of chiropractic therapy for it. I decided to go anyway and hoped that it would make a difference in my body. This yoga was Vinyasa flow with kirtan chanting. The amount of love in that room was out of this world. We did many poses over and over, constantly moving and breathing. We were all in rhythm with each other and with our breathing. As we held a warrior two pose, I felt my eyes begin to burn with tears. Not because it was hard to do, but because an overwhelming sense of bliss filled my heart. I was extremely happy to be there doing this exercise and I was so thankful for all of my friends, family, and everything else you can imagine. Several times this happened and I couldn't explain it. Finally, at the end of this session, the yoga instructor came by and anointed us with an essential oil. Lavender I think, or maybe patchouli. Whatever it was, seemed so extremely familiar to me that I remember laying on the mat in shavasanah and thinking to myself, there's no place like home. I didn't mean the home that we had driven 100 miles from, but another home - another cosmic home it seemed. A world unlike the place we call Earth and a world where everyone is enlightened. That feeling stayed within me - a memory that I had was opened and relived again. I guess I must have found that spot in which all is peaceful.

The yoga was over but the feeling that is provoked within me still lingered on. I didn't want it to stop and I knew that somehow that I must return to that place again. I must return home. The flame of white light inside me had just been rekindled...

In circles: Back at the labyrinth

Finally, the night was coming to an end. I felt great but it seemed like I was missing one more piece of this ultimate path to enlightenment. What could it be?
That night, we had a meditation in the labyrinth complete with candles, live music, and a digeridoo. The labyrinth seemed even more magical and mystical than earlier that morning and I couldn't wait to go through again to see what it had to tell me. The funny thing was , after going through it, I realized that I had actually gotten the answer before I even entered. You see, we had to get smudged with sage before going in. The young man standing at the entrance had a bowl of burning sage and he wafted upon us , one by one, before stepping into the labyrinth. The two words he said to me before I entered, were perhaps the most enlightening that I had heard all day. Just after he scanned me with the last little bit of smoke, he said - Namaste sister. -- Namaste sister is what resonated with me throughout that walk. It was very familiar to me that sound. I don't know why because I haven't got any brothers or sisters and even less, the word namaste as I didn't study yoga or anything related to it before that weekend. I don't know what it was but, after he said it I realized that yes, he is correct! We are all brothers and sisters here. I felt a grand connection with the people standing behind me even the ones that I didn't speak to much during the weekend. Maybe it was the chanting together - we would be connected through that energy I suppose. Perhaps it was the skinny dipping in the middle of the night? We'd all be connected through daring and uninhibited actions .. or maybe it was because of the laughter and jokes we shared, overcoming personal obstacles, or maybe it was because we weren't allowed to have cell phones and PCs there in the public area. Somehow, by disconnecting ourselves with our comfortable life, we all became reconnected with self and others. Whatever the reason, I know that those people present in the forest that weekend were my cosmic family. My true brothers and sisters.

So , here I am. 100 days of yoga. I've made myself the commitment. My goal is to have a great body, mind, spirit and soul. Developed, in tact, and healthy. I want to be the being that walks around without a flashlight because my inner light shines so brightly and I want to infect everyone around me with divine joy and laughter. Inspiration and creativity.

History: What just happened?

Well, it goes like this. I'm a developing intuitive counselor you see. I have my doubts still that it really happens but, each time it does happen - I get more confident. Just when I was up and running, my dearest grandmother passes away. (Gigi's journey) - it was sad but amazing..but after that.......somehow......I...........lost............steam. I was going strong and living through it all and picking up my business but then, just like that. - I put it all down. Depression perhaps? I don't know but I fell into this funk. A funk of nothingness where work weighted me down. The family unit was so stressful and annoying, and the world around me seemed pointless and silly. Have a great job and live comfortably you say? pfft! yeah, right - only for the rich already rich! - Everything I built up, I laid to rest - just like my grandmother.

I was very accustomed to feeling good! But then, this summer - I got used to being sad. It felt normal. I accepted things and just - lived. I lived, rather than experienced life - pretty lame isn't it? Then, the chiropractor said I had arthritis in the knees. What? Are you kidding me? 8 weeks of shots in the knees? 2 times a week? And a tilted pelvis? Plus one leg is shorter than the other? man... can we please stop pouring it on so thick? I'm only 37...I think...

So now what? Am I to just sit back and take the pain all summer? Well, yep - that's exactly what happened. You see, I began focusing on all the bad things that had happened and how badly I felt due to all the shots I was taking. I couldn't run out and dance without consequences. I had to sit and be still - which is very unusual for me. I have a 5 year old that I couldn't run around with and ...and...and.... - and so it went, all summer long until 1 little decision became the best decision I ever made.

Yoga in the Trees: Kundalini? Isn't that a term that would make Freud proud?

I have this friend - this really great amazing friend who talked me in to going on a yoga retreat to the forest. The hostel in the forest she told me and it would have music. This is what really attracted me - I'm a music freak and anywhere there is live music, I'm there. So, ok let's go.

I get there and I'm thinking to myself as we drive up the driveway - cool! Yet kind of scary. I wasn't prepared to do this and as we started to meet people, I was even more worried. A few yoga instructors were there and what seemed like her whole class had come along. I have only done yoga like 3 times so imagine the horror when I heard, - hey , this gal can bust a crow on my back! - I thought I was certainly doomed because the yoga was going to kick my butt. There was no way I could hang. There was no way I was going to fit in with all these people. Wait...I don't even like yoga that much! - Can we just turn around and drive back home...please?!

The night went on and I met a guy who had just dropped in for a place to sleep. Besides being absolutely gorgeous, he had just taken a 10 hour trip from his hometown to this hostel in the forest, on a bicycle! That's right, a bicycle. I asked him about the movie, motorcycle diaries and he mentioned that it was where he go his inspiration. I wanted to ask How? Why? but , I didn't.
Later, we asked him if he wanted a glass of wine and he declined. I found out much later after that in his blog, he mentions something about sobriety being sexy...hmm... I wonder if he or someone he knows is recovering and his journey is about that release? Whatever it may be, he seemed not to be too afraid. No fear is what he represented to me and so, I took that as a message.

The night goes on and bhakti chanting round the fire begins. I'm not taking this seriously I thought to myself. In fact, I believe I giggled for a moment but then, as I gazed at the strangers around the pit, I noticed that those fire kissed glowing faces seemed very peaceful and happy. If not happy then definitely they were calm and thought-less. I noticed a tiny energy shift and suddenly, I felt left out. It was more than just music that was happening and I wanted to be a part of it. I let myself surrender to the music and feel it with my heart like the musician I used to be... the vibration and sound and the beat of the drums...suddenly started to match the beating of my heart and the fire. I remember singing like a timid little girl and within minutes, I transformed that sound into a small tiny cub lion. - well, you gotta start somewhere - I had a vision while we were chanting. Something inside me told me that this was just what I needed. I sang on, stayed out late, made a few friends, laughed, and went to bed. As I looked up into the ceiling of my treehouse, I noticed that the chants still resonated inside my mind. I was feeling good and empowered..I was going to sleep but somehow, I felt like I was waking up....

It’s never easy when a loved one leaves us but I think it’s especially hard when your mother is the one who goes. Recently, I got the opportunity to watch my mother cry silently over the death of her mother as she stood with a hopeful gaze in her eyes at the edge of her hospital bed. She was constantly squeezing her hand and hoping that with every little twitch of a finger or a “bump” in the eye that the life would return to “gran” or “gigi” as my daughter often referred to her great grandmother. I was there at the other side of the bed with my angelite crystal in pocket and desperately praying inside my mind directly to Archangel Michael. I wanted him to ask the “Maker” if he could please do something about this situation. “Ask Him if He can give her back life, breathe the spirit back into her”, I would think in my mind. No response from the Archangel Michael nor my grandmother. I listened to my mother go back and forth with stories that ranged from how funny she used to be, recalling a joke, and then back to puddles of tears streaming down the face. It was a like a rollercoaster made for emotions, uncontrollable, bitter and sweet all at the same time. How could this be happening to us and why now? I was certain that the last time she was in the hospital she would still live on at least another 2 years. I mean, I have plans for her to meet her new great grandchildren, to see me suddenly become a millionaire, to finally see my mom in a great big house, to see my daughter graduate from college …but those were my plans, right?

Time passes and still no response from grandma – she wasn’t responding as far as reflexes go and nothing would phase the glazed look she had in her eye. No tears, no blinks, - nada. It was a blank stare of who knows what – memories flashing by? Muted sniffles and muffled voices? Or perhaps she was already out of the body and watching everything we were saying, ..from above.? It was a long shot that she would survive this I was thinking but, I didn’t want to lose faith. I continued to call my Angels and I wanted them by my side – by her side – I wanted them to give me a sign to let me know that they were there – but yet, nothing came. – Finally the doctor entered and asked us if we were ready to remove the life support. It was a decision that mom and other family members helped her to make, along with the doctor’s recommendation. We were told that she was brain dead and that even if she did survive being off the machine, she would be in a vegetable like state. Her brain was not connecting to the body at all – perhaps from the trauma of being without air for so long…as you see, this was the state she was in after being resuscitated at least once already…

Late night, (the night before)around 11:30pm – Gigi herself phoned 911. My mom cancelled the call because the doctor said she was going into a state of dementia so she’d have reactions of this nature. However, about 15 minutes later, my mom noticed she really wasn’t breathing and phoned 911 again – they arrived in a flash. They tried for 4 – 5 maybe even 6 minutes and then finally, her heart starting beating on its own. My mom was relived at this point and I was on a darkened highway with my 5 year old and my grandmother’s sister in tow, fighting back the tears and sleep as it was nearly 1am before we were even close to arriving. It would be another 1hr and a half before we’d even arrive to the outskirts of my old home town.The next hours were spent waiting and hoping and sleeping in the uncomfortable chairs of the ER family waiting room. Finally she was placed into an intensive care unit and we were allowed to go back and see her – this was 5am. We stayed until 6 and then went home. Up again at 10 to return and stayed until time of death – 3:28pm.

The point of telling this whole story is that while deeply saddened by my grandmother’s death, I was and am extremely glad that I had the opportunity to be with her until this end because even if her brain had checked out long before, the spirit was still there. My mom gave the nod to start taking her off the medicines and the nurse explained everything she was doing. Once the medicine was off - she was still kept on the respirator. At some point before they took her off the respirator, I was standing at the foot of her bed. I placed my hand on her big toe and just stood there, looking, wondering, and wishing. My aunt – her sister- said a prayer and the one thing that I overheard was, “let us not be selfish as we release her into His kingdom”. It was at that moment, I thought to myself – yes, I agree. I mustn’t be selfish. I have to let you go. At that moment, the sign that I had been waiting for all night long came. I felt Archangel Michael come in very strongly – from the top of my head all the way through to my waist. I was clearly imagining (or feeling vividly), that his wings were holding me and comforting me – then just as I was getting ready to cry, something happened. A feeling and sense of peace suddenly overwhelmed me and as sure as it is day, I tell you, I swear I could feel her spirit come up through the toe and up my arm. She passed through my whole body on her way out. I didn’t hear any sounds but there was something going through my chest and out the other side. There is no way you could tell me anything different but I seemed to forget all about the noises and crying that I had been listening to from my mom and aunt. I suddenly found myself being able to let go.

I walked over to her , held her head and then kissed her on her forehead. I stepped back and sadness came over me as my tears began to fall. Nobody else could understand it as she was still “breathing” but I felt it and I felt it strongly. She loved us all and she knew that we loved her and she knew we were there because we did not want leave her alone. Soon, the respiratory expert came along and removed the tubes and disconnected the machine. She still had 20 to 30 heartbeats per minute but she was instantly not breathing. As the medicine completed its course, so did her body. 4 minutes later, the body was gone too. The nurse came in and said, “flatline.” The tears overcame my mother and then her nervous, “what am I going to do now” question came through. I was now strong enough to comfort her without crying because I knew that Gigi’s journey was just beginning, rather than ending… “I love you” I said whispering quietly under my breath and I turned back to get one last glimpse of her body just as her sister leaned over her to close her eyes. I knew that she was on her way to His kingdom and that Archangel Michael was gently guiding her towards the heavens…

May - the longest month it has seemed. So many things to do yet nothing seemed like it was getting done. Everyday that I came home from work, all I wanted to do was sleep. I worried that it was perhaps some form of depression but, when I actually got 8 hours of sleep, I felt like a million dollars and wanted to do everything. I had to keep reminding myself that this round of stress and being overworked was temporary. I had to do something to fight it or I was going to suffer from insanity. I decided to take charge of my life. I felt the nudge to not give up and be taken by financial woes, time restrictions, and paperwork so, I gave all my cares to the universe and literally said, "Take them away and bring me relief, please." - I stopped worrying about being overworked and as soon as I did that...the most amazing thing happened.

I didn't notice it until this week but, it all added up. I started leaving work early. Most of the time, I get home around 6pm and that's if I leave work at 5pm. I started leaving around 4 - 4:15 and I would arrive at 5. That extra hour helped me get the toddler ready with dinner and in the bed a bit earlier. I would spend my last hour (before my bedtime) unwinding with a glass of wine or simply soaking in the bath. It did wonders!

Next - I had also wished that I had more help around the house and just at that time, a dear friend of mine needed some help with getting her life turned around. She asked if she could stay with me for sometime and I said sure. She enjoys to cook (and clean) and she is very organized. When I get home, dinner is almost always made. She is even awake in the morning and even packs up a lunch for me to take to work. The amount of time I was saving myself was incredible and in addition, I had more time to talk with her and listen to her issues. I love how that all worked itself out. I was/am so very thankful that she has come to live with us, even if it is just for a short time. It's as if it was meant to happen...I wonder what's next?

I've often wondered after the almost accident, "what does it take to get the Angels to talk to me?". I've heard many people say to just talk out loud and you will see that they have heard you. Ask for a sign and look around etc..etc.. - Well, I can say that I've always experienced little coincidences but none like what happened to me a little while ago. I believe the angels that are with me, have a lot of my humor mixed in to their angelic way of being. .. .

I'm a school teacher by day, and a developing intuitive counselor by night. I spend a lot of time being stressed out in my day job however, at night - I come home to a relaxing yet busy time participating in teleclasses about angels and feeling energies and so forth. The second "job" isn't paid at all (yet) but it is the most satisfying part of my day. On this particular day, I was completely out of order as my mind was filled with thoughts about the Merit Pay Bill, which basically states that teacher evaluation could be based on 50% of student achievement. Well, I was completely frustrated at this idea and saddened because our pay would be affected by this. I left work in a muddle, thinking about how education just needed to be reformed.

I had the idea figured out - I'd send letters with my idea on reforming the educational system, post videos and protests on YouTube, every teacher in America would be on my side and we'd do this. I had visions of marches, signs, and everything was all figured out. The students would be happier because teachers would be happier. Our new system would let students choose classes that would be beneficial to them and they'd have to select a career field by age 16..and so on, and so on...

Whether this was a good idea or not I was so into this idea that I nearly ran a red light. I found myself talking out loud and even debating on some issues as if I were speaking to another person. Finally, I frustrated myself even further, so much to the point that I had to shout out, "We can DO THIS!" - As soon as that was said, a little red sports car came zooming past me. It cut me short and darted in front of me. I had to hit the brake a little and I was forced to notice this little hot rod. As soon as he was in front of me, I noticed his tag. When I read what it said - I completely burst out into laughter. It was a personalized tag and on it, it read, "BIG IDEA". I chuckled and thought to myself - oh, my angels are funny are they? - Now they've got my attention. So I said again out lout, "But it IS possible, right? Reform the system?" - Just when I thought it couldn't be done again, the light in front of us changed to red. The red sports car sped over to the other lane to catch the yellow and sped off into the distance. I laid my head to rest in my hands and looked out of the window. As soon as I looked over, I noticed the building in the background. In big letters it said, "AUTO REPAIR". - I giggled again and surrendered to the power... I did need auto - repair...repair of self. Instead of changing the system, I needed to change a few things about myself and my approach to the situation.They were right and once again, they showed me the answer.

Auto repair was definitely the message I needed to hear that day and it was up to me to follow/have a plan. When I finally arrived home, I thanked my Angels, then I proceeded to evaluate myself as a teacher and the environment I had created for my students. That night, i thought of about 2 things that I could work on. I stuck to the plan and went to work the next day with a new approach and a bigger smile on my face...

It worked.. :-) Thank you Angels!

#2: Express Gratitude

Finding something positive out of a negative situation, though often easier said than done, will help you to be able to let go of those negative energies. Sever the ties with gratitude and decide that you want to be happy, rather than no longer wanting to be sad or in a tough situation. Open your heart and see how that situation has contributed to you being the you that YOU love...

Lavenderism: Thoughts that come from the mind of moi! Sometimes they are intuitively guided messages, angel card propelled, or simple common sense... I post these with the intention to charge you with the motivation and dedication you need to move forward. What are you waiting for?

This week's message:

Focus and Clarity - Remember that what you want, might not be what everyone else wants. Ask yourself, "Can I obtain what I want without the help of others?" - If yes, great! Then ask, "What DO I want?" - Set your intentions by writing them down, posting it on your status, saying it out loud, or whatever method of expression you use the best. Take a deep breath and see you reaching your goal. Sky is the limit and money is no object...

So...What do YOU want? :-)
(Image taken from my set of ArchAngel Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue)

yeah...so, almost died today. Other than that - it's been a pretty good day.
Before telling you this story, I must tell you about the events that lead up to this. WHen people say a near death experience changes you, well - granted - I didn't nearly drown nor did I flatline for 2 minutes and see "the light". What happened however, was just as scary...

So last night, January 6th - 3 Kings day. Had a great time watching the little one unwrap presents. Midnight rolls around - I'm still awake and internet channel surfing for something interesting to listen to. I stumble across a radio program and they are interviewing a lady who claims that she can photograph her Angels.

Bah! Yea right -- that's all photoshopped, right? hmmm..I watch her youtube video where she claims an Angel is in her kitchen. It's her Guardian Angel. I'm like, what? Why would a Guardian Angel be in her kitchen and let alone allow itself to be filmed? Bah! - Another photoshopped or 3-D effect added to the video, right?

I go to sleep with those ideas on my brain.

Wake up - chaotic morning. Kid, breakfast, clothes, coffee - out the door. On my way to work, I notice how brilliant the sun was. Nice and orange. The clouds were peppered with that slow-rising orange and I thought again about the lady and the Angels. I was thinking , "I wonder if this is what it looks like when people say they "see" and "hear" the chorus of Angels? Would the sky appear to be in flames? Or would the Angels appear out of a fire-orange red flame in the sky? hmmm...

In this moment, I then thought to myself, "I wonder if my Guardian Angel is with me right now? They are never suppose to leave your side..." - then suddenly, it happened. I'm driving down the road thinking about Angels and at the same time, sizing up the green traffic light. If it were to turn yellow, I'd go faster, rather than slow down. A little voice said - "HIT THE BRAKE!" - So, I slammed on brakes.

The traffic light turned yellow but, when it did - the cable on the left hand side of the road holding the traffic light, suddenly snapped and gave way. The whole thing came crashing down in front of me. Since I had already slammed on brakes before it actually snapped, my car came to a screeching halt, three steps away from where the lights and cables broke to bits in front of me. There was a small flash of electicity as it hit the ground. Everything was in slow motion for me and I felt like I was in the middle of the moovie 2012 - you know the one where the ground is breaking apart and people are just missing the holes and other flying objects by a milisecond?

I stared at the mess on the ground before me for what seemed like an eternity. The car in the opposite direction lane, happened to be underneath the light when it fell. He/she swerved to move out of the way, hit the curb, and flipped his/her car. About 5 or 6 people jumped out of their car to get to the flipped one. I just sat in my car, pretty freaked out. I started thinking of my 5 yr old. "Did I kiss her goodbye this morning? Is she wearing her jacket? Did I put chapstick on her lips before she left?" etc..and about 100 more things.

Finally, someone popped by the window and said, "are you ok?" I said yes and then I turned to look again at the mess. I finally pulled myself together and drove around it, and on to work. I stopped and asked if the guy in the other car was ok and people said yes, then I continued on. I got about 2 feet away and all of sudden tears came pouring down like rain. I couldn't catch my breath. I was shaky, shaking, nervous, and I panicked as I rolled up to the next traffic light. I was sooo glad to be alive and that people weren't picking glass out of my head while waiting for an ambulance. I'm SO glad that I wasn't waiting for a helicopter to pull me out of it all.I was happy to smell the coffee in my car, happy to see the school buses, happy to go to work, happy for the ants, the trees, the water that I drink, all the people I know, and in an instant, a billion people's names came to me. I'm happy I've lived as long as I have...

Before I got to work, I looked up towards the sky - this time, I wasn't thinking of the sky, rather the Heavens. I saw there, 5 bright orange like "flames" or pairs of wings - in the sky. Very distinct from the clouds - whispy almost and slight transparent. I couldn't help but wonder if they were 5 Angels watching over me but either way, I voiced out the words, thank you - I'm grateful. As I got to work, I jumped out of my car and hugged the very first person I met. I was so happy to be able to feel , see, hear, and just be alive...

Maybe not so close to death as some of you may have experienced, but - then again, any brush with danger is a little too close for me. I'm glad for every minute that I have lived on this Earth.

Today was quite interesting. I got the idea to create a radio show in hopes of attracting other people like myself -- just waking up to their divine side. I'm sure there are plenty of networks out there but, I don't know - I just get the feeling that we can create a nice little niche of people.

I started off tonight by interviewing a Medium and another person who reads kabbalah cards. I just wanted to talk to them to find out how they got started. Be sure to click on the big green button on the left to listen. If you scroll too far down the page then you'll activate the music. I'm going to eventually disable it but for now, I like it. Just scroll down and hit pause if you don't want to hear it while you read or listen to our show.

The one thing I learned from our Medium on tonight's show, was that , the way he put it - Mediumship or being a Medium can choose you. You just have to go with the flow when it does because you can't get rid of it. I like that idea. It would seem to match my ideas about destiny already being picked for you. Hmm..but that's another topic...perhaps we'll save it for the show.

In the meantime, I've been feeling a bit ill lately. An all of sudden nauseating feeling here and there. The back of my neck starts to tickle and then my hair stands up on edge then I feel great. It's the strangest thing. I'm quite happy and when I think about becoming a psychic or medium - I get excited, happy, and it's like a feeling that I can't get enough of...

Bah, tomorrow - back to reality and work in this realm. I'm not enjoying not being on vacation. Let's see if we get some snow ...

So, here we are - several months after all the odd happenings. Let me bring ou up to date on how my life has been for the past few months.

- I bought some Angel cards. They are kind of like tarot cards in the sense that they are large. Other than they, they bare no resemblence. I've always enjoyed using crystals so one day, I found myself at my usual metaphysical book store and these cards, just seem to call out to me. I had a "craving" to buy them. It was odd because never in my life have I ever used tarot cards, angel cards, whatever...nothing. But I knew I just "had" to buy them. So, I purchased them.

Got home, didn't bother to read the insert and got on skype. Sure enough, a friend of mine gets on and I tell them about what I've bought and all of sudden, I break out into a reading. I "felt" that he needed 5 cards - so I just selected a random 5 and began reading what was on the card. Very easy - but then, after that, I started to elaborate on their meanings. I couldn't stop myself. I was like blah blah blah blah -- information just poured out of my mouth. It was insane! About 10 mins later, I stopped and asked did any of that make sense and to my suprise, my friend was nearly in tears. Everything I said had touched him. I was shocked and amazed all at the same time.

I put the cards away and a few days later, his friends starting asking me to do readings for them. - This all spiraled into me buying a pendulum, candles, more crystals, and books about how to do this. As I kept giving readings, I started feeling more things. I could "feel" sadness, or negativity, happiness - joy, and sometimes fear. It wasn't my feelings but I could tell how the other person was feeling.

Finally, it happened. I had given my friend a reading - and put the cards away. She was telling me about the events in her life etc, etc.. then all of a sudden, I got an image of someone in my head. It was as if it were being projected from just above the spot right between the eyes...you know, where the infamous "third eye" would be?

I described to her what I saw and what I felt. I didn't hear a voice but "felt" a voice. I "felt" a name and "felt" the relationship between her and this person..then another little girl "appeared" in my mind. I got images of hugs and laughter, a good time... I told my friend all of this... bewilderment. She confirmed that the people I was describing had been two people in her family about 5 years ago - now passed on. I didn't know a thing about these people yet, I described them perfectly she said.

After that, I put away the cards and tried to stop whatever was going on. I freaked out. I began to go get readings on my own. I'm being told I am a psychic and at my last reading, I was told that I was at 95% strength and getting stronger.

Over the holidays I did several readings where I was able to connect to the past, the present, and see future events. I "feel" impressions but I don't actually hear voices. I can't physically see people rather, they feel like memories, images. Very strange.

I've decided to continue with this and see how it develops in 2010. Maybe, just maybe I'll become good at it. I need to practice and gain confidence I was told. So, this is my blog. If anybody out there is "waking" up, please contact me. I would love to hear your stories.

Peace, Love, Health & Happiness!