Lady Lavender: Divinity in progress...

So , here I am. 100 days of yoga. I've made myself the commitment. My goal is to have a great body, mind, spirit and soul. Developed, in tact, and healthy. I want to be the being that walks around without a flashlight because my inner light shines so brightly and I want to infect everyone around me with divine joy and laughter. Inspiration and creativity.

History: What just happened?

Well, it goes like this. I'm a developing intuitive counselor you see. I have my doubts still that it really happens but, each time it does happen - I get more confident. Just when I was up and running, my dearest grandmother passes away. (Gigi's journey) - it was sad but amazing..but after that.......somehow......I...........lost............steam. I was going strong and living through it all and picking up my business but then, just like that. - I put it all down. Depression perhaps? I don't know but I fell into this funk. A funk of nothingness where work weighted me down. The family unit was so stressful and annoying, and the world around me seemed pointless and silly. Have a great job and live comfortably you say? pfft! yeah, right - only for the rich already rich! - Everything I built up, I laid to rest - just like my grandmother.

I was very accustomed to feeling good! But then, this summer - I got used to being sad. It felt normal. I accepted things and just - lived. I lived, rather than experienced life - pretty lame isn't it? Then, the chiropractor said I had arthritis in the knees. What? Are you kidding me? 8 weeks of shots in the knees? 2 times a week? And a tilted pelvis? Plus one leg is shorter than the other? man... can we please stop pouring it on so thick? I'm only 37...I think...

So now what? Am I to just sit back and take the pain all summer? Well, yep - that's exactly what happened. You see, I began focusing on all the bad things that had happened and how badly I felt due to all the shots I was taking. I couldn't run out and dance without consequences. I had to sit and be still - which is very unusual for me. I have a 5 year old that I couldn't run around with and ...and...and.... - and so it went, all summer long until 1 little decision became the best decision I ever made.

Yoga in the Trees: Kundalini? Isn't that a term that would make Freud proud?

I have this friend - this really great amazing friend who talked me in to going on a yoga retreat to the forest. The hostel in the forest she told me and it would have music. This is what really attracted me - I'm a music freak and anywhere there is live music, I'm there. So, ok let's go.

I get there and I'm thinking to myself as we drive up the driveway - cool! Yet kind of scary. I wasn't prepared to do this and as we started to meet people, I was even more worried. A few yoga instructors were there and what seemed like her whole class had come along. I have only done yoga like 3 times so imagine the horror when I heard, - hey , this gal can bust a crow on my back! - I thought I was certainly doomed because the yoga was going to kick my butt. There was no way I could hang. There was no way I was going to fit in with all these people. Wait...I don't even like yoga that much! - Can we just turn around and drive back home...please?!

The night went on and I met a guy who had just dropped in for a place to sleep. Besides being absolutely gorgeous, he had just taken a 10 hour trip from his hometown to this hostel in the forest, on a bicycle! That's right, a bicycle. I asked him about the movie, motorcycle diaries and he mentioned that it was where he go his inspiration. I wanted to ask How? Why? but , I didn't.
Later, we asked him if he wanted a glass of wine and he declined. I found out much later after that in his blog, he mentions something about sobriety being sexy...hmm... I wonder if he or someone he knows is recovering and his journey is about that release? Whatever it may be, he seemed not to be too afraid. No fear is what he represented to me and so, I took that as a message.

The night goes on and bhakti chanting round the fire begins. I'm not taking this seriously I thought to myself. In fact, I believe I giggled for a moment but then, as I gazed at the strangers around the pit, I noticed that those fire kissed glowing faces seemed very peaceful and happy. If not happy then definitely they were calm and thought-less. I noticed a tiny energy shift and suddenly, I felt left out. It was more than just music that was happening and I wanted to be a part of it. I let myself surrender to the music and feel it with my heart like the musician I used to be... the vibration and sound and the beat of the drums...suddenly started to match the beating of my heart and the fire. I remember singing like a timid little girl and within minutes, I transformed that sound into a small tiny cub lion. - well, you gotta start somewhere - I had a vision while we were chanting. Something inside me told me that this was just what I needed. I sang on, stayed out late, made a few friends, laughed, and went to bed. As I looked up into the ceiling of my treehouse, I noticed that the chants still resonated inside my mind. I was feeling good and empowered..I was going to sleep but somehow, I felt like I was waking up....