Lady Lavender: Divinity in progress...

Well, it has been awhile and I haven't gone to Yoga. My mom has been really ill with kidney stones and everything else you can imagine. I've missed work like 3 times in one week it seems and I'm far behind on catching up with the real world and the social world.

Without yoga this week, my life changed again. I noticed a strong imbalance in my way of thinking and my frustrations were so intense that it was almost scary. Perhaps it can partially be credited to the amount of stress that I feel at work and in the home life but, with yoga, it seems that I didn't struggle so much with those issues.I personally believe most of it comes from some hormonal imbalance while going through the mid-life crisis. Problem is, is that I'm not old enough for that yet - at least, so I hear. Either way, I'm feeling a pull to go on a year long sabbatical in Tibet. Meditation is calling me, the chanting feels good, and my intuition is getting scarily accurate. I feel like - what am I still doing here? Yoga, believe it or not - helps balance me.

Aum Tala Yoga: Lokaaa...bhavantu....

I love this stuff. Aum Tala yoga is something that was designed by two amazing people. They mix chanting mantras and flow yoga all together somehow and have it all set to live music. It was fantastic. Tonight's workshop was all about being connected with Earth and gaining balance which was in tune with exactly what I needed. It was funny how it worked out that way but it was a nice surprise to hear.

The place was a lovely martial arts studio on a top floor with gianormous windows. They had turned off most of the lighting and let candles light up the place. The place was very warm and cozy feeling plus, the addition of the live music - one guy on a mat with several authentic instruments from India, really spiced up my auditory senses. We start with chanting Ohm or Aum / probably Aum since the name of the workshop was Aum Tala... we did that 3 times. The vibration that one feels inside can instantly start to soothe the soul. We also got a chance to chant, Ganapati Ohm - to help remove energy blocks, and of course at the end - Ohm Shanti for peace, and Lok souki no....bhavantu - which I believe basically means, be happy. Either way, they were great releases and we sang one chant for 108 repetitions - Ohm dada dadaye namaha. It was all very uplifting and the strangest thing is being able to feel the energy shift. I was in a good place last night and I even made it to visualization during the meditative shavasana at the end of it all.

On the physical side of it, we did many things. Downward dogs, planks, side plank, warriors, etc.. all the ones that used to give me such a hard time. I noticed that tonight for the first time, I was actually able to hop from the standing forward folds to plank. Normally, I have to ease in to it. I was quite proud of myself. I was feeling lighter on my feet and when we did tree pose, I was able to hold it very steady this time. I still couldn't get my leg up to my thigh but, besides that - I was standing there - grounded! I was so happy with myself and my body. It was amazing. We even did a flowing pigeon. Who knew that there could be a flowing pigeon. She made us rock back in forth, do some prayer poses, all while sitting in pigeon. I thought I was going to pass out because my core was engaged the whole time. I'm sure I lost at least 1 inch on around the belly area. Needless to say but when we finished, I was downward facing dog tired. I was glad to be done with it all but most of all, I was thankful for having sweated profusely, gained physical prowess and experienced more enlightenment.

After it all I was glad to go home but I was more thankful for having found this wonderful group of instructors. I feel loved in that room no matter what and the end of it, I absolutely adore the fact that she anoints us all with some essential oils. Felt like lavender and eucalyptus or peppermint. Nice, soft, uplifting and invigorating - the oils almost mimicked how I was feeling at the moment. I hope to be able to go on a week long retreat with them. I think it would definitely be good for my soul and I should be allowed to take time out for personal development. Namaste!

Basics for dummies?

Wow - I totally went to a basics class and thought I was going to die. It seemed to be cross between flow and gentle. I was having a hard time with this class, unlike the first basics class I took. I'm guessing that it must be the instructor that either makes or breaks the class for you.

In this class, we were doing tree poses which I kept falling out of here and there but, I was doing a good job I thought. I was in downward facing dog so many times, that I thought my eyeballs would fall out from the blood rush to the forehead. At some point, we even had to do crow - which I wasn't going to try. However, somewhere I got the notion that I needed to try it anyway just to see how well I could do it. I tried it and at first, I couldn't even get steady with it. But the first 3 or 4 tries, I was finally able to get airborne. My feet were off the ground and I was completely steady - for at least .5 seconds. Then I toppled over, head first. Ouch! My knee was hurt when I landed but I was glad that I was the only person who laughed. Despite the pain, I got back up and tried it once more. I couldn't get my feet off the ground again but I was glad that I did make that 1/2 a second. It was very exhilarating to know that I was almost able to do it.
I thought to myself, is this a basics class? But when I think about it, I guess basics just goes over the basic moves which are not always beginner's moves.

After class, I did feel like I had accomplished some great amazing feat. My knee hurt for the rest of the night but I was glad that I had gone. The next day, my long distance relationship boyfriend... don't ask, that's another blog altogether,... we went dancing. I was happy to hear him tell me how good I looked and how peaceful I seemed. Part of it was because we were going out. I hadn't seen him in about 4 months, maybe longer... the other part was because I knew that yoga had something to do with it. It's only been 8 days and more and more people are picking up on things. I think that is just fantastic. I look in the mirror and perhaps it's just me, but I often think that I look more toned and more in shape than I ever have. I'm feeling good and proud to be me! What a great yoga weekend!

Restorative Yoga?: What's that?

So, this time I went to a restorative yoga class. I was thinking that it was going to be a class where the instructor walks around and corrects your positions, etc. But, it turned out to be a class where I almost just slept the whole time.. It was great! I mean, I felt a little bad at first for thinking that it was a waste of time until I noticed the young man in front of me. He was quite young, about 24ish so it seemed and he had sort of a sideways slump in his torso. It also appeared that his side was a bit turned inward. His friend, sister or partner was definitely helping him along as we did some of the moves.

I tried focusing on myself but I couldn't help but pay more attention to the young man. What had happened to him I wondered? Is it curable? Is it from an accident? Was he born that way? I suddenly found myself off in curiosity land, contemplating every possible scenario. The last thing that went through my mind was how is this easy class helping this guy? I didn't think it would be helpful to him at all until I noticed that in the beginning of the class, he was very much slumped over. After a few moves, he was able to sit up straighter and taller but his friend kept helping him out. Finally, towards the end of the class, he was able to sit straight up, nice and tall on his own. He held the sitting pose for at least 2 seconds before he released himself back into his normal slump. He was tired and I could see his face turning red. His friend and the teacher gave him a hearty pat on the back and I could tell that he was giving it a lot of effort and what it must be like to have come so far. Being able to do that, must have been a milestone for him.

He was assisted during much of the class but I could see that as he progressed, he was starting to understand how to do the simple poses and how to situate himself. He was putting so much effort forth on trying to do the hands and knees or cat pose, that I believe he needed to take a break a few times. I suddenly found myself feeling a little bad for thinking how easy things were for me but then, I started thinking about the man in front of me. Look how much this simple class is helping him - I thought. Look at how dedicated he is to try to get himself back in order and look how pleased he is with himself. I started to rethink why I was there. . . I observed the man one more time and I was taken with happiness. I was glad he was there and I was happy to see someone with a will take charge of mind, body and soul. I was thankful to witness his effort or struggle be it doctor recommended or personal. I was joyous to think about myself and the very reasons I came - to heal. We were all there to heal and improve our mind, body, and spirit.
The experience of the restorative class became much more precious to me. I didn't have to feel like my body had gotten a heavy workout in order to be pleased and satisfied with my progress. I was thankful that I have a goal and that I'm sticking to it.

After class, I made the commitment and bought myself an unlimited monthly pass. Now, I have to use it!

Back to Basics: ouch!

Ok, so it's been 6 days of yoga, not even consecutively and I'm quite sore. My shoulders ache and my hips feel as if they need cracking. I think even my eyelids are a little sore but the funny thing is that I'm feeling pretty good about it. Rather than thinking how out of shape I am, I have to keep thinking how much work I'm doing to get in shape. That keeps me happy. It's a goal that I can't wait to reach! Imagine that, feeling good and looking good all the time! I get giggly when I think about how much potential my body has. I'm glad to be nourishing it.

Today I decided to take the basics class. I thought that it would be awesome because finally I'd get to learn how to do things the right way. Little did I know that this class would have the most butt-kicking moves! Our instructor didn't make us do head stands or crows or anything like that. Instead, we focused on things like the downward facing dog and plank. Chair and reverse warrior seemed to be her favorites. They weren't hard moves but since we had to hold the poses for 5 to 6 breaths, maybe even 8 at some point, I starting sweating like you wouldn't believe! I could feel the muscles in my core be weak, trying to get stronger, and I could feel my balance a little off yet trying to become stable. At one point I thought I was going to pass out from trying so hard then she came to me and said, relax. I was happy she was there to help me through it and she even held my foot up while we were trying to do something that I can't even pronounce the name of yet.

I was puzzled to think that I had made it through Vinayasa flow and the intermediate levels yet this basic class for beginners was making me need a towel. I can tell that now, I'm finally doing it right because I can feel the energy move up and down my spine, my ankles,through my hands, fingers, and toes. I actually know when my core is engaged and when I'm letting the belly be soft. I was quite happy with my struggle and when the instructor came along and grabs my hips to put them where they are actually supposed to be during downward facing dog, I could feel that pull that everyone else usually talks about. I almost bursted into tears because I kept thinking to myself, wow! I can finally do things the right way! This is amazing! I'm going to be in shape within no time! I loved being there at that moment and it was a great feeling. I'm thinking that this one is going to be my main class. I was glad I chose to go.

We even had one person almost quit and leave the class. About 55mins in a lady rolls up her mat and is about to walk away. The instructor, without stopping what she was doing mind you, looks around and says to her - aw, stay with us! The hardest part is over and you did an amazing job! Just a little while longer? - We all looked over thinking she'd walk out but to my surprise, she unrolled her mat again and grabbed another blanket. I was quite pleased as the instructor then went to her and gave her more reassurance and coached her along through the last two poses. I smiled and I was glad she stayed.

We completed the class with a well welcomed shavasana. I looked around and everyone was panting and sweating. What a great class. I remembered to thank my body and of course, the instructor, for allowing me to feel good. I also thanked Yoga because even today at work, somebody told me that they noticed a little more spring in my step. I had to attribute that to my new found strengths and not weaknesses. Thanks yoga!

I almost feel like celebrating because I have 95 more days left. Making it to the 5 down mark, makes it feel like I'm creating a dent and reaching my goals. I was very happy to think about it when I got up today. I haven't been able to do yoga all this week as I've worked from 730am until about 730pm. Between work and my mom passing two kidney stones, this week has been quite rough.

I've noticed that my moral is way low when it comes to work. I notice how much people just don't want to be where they are. I notice how much the kids seem like it's my responsibility to allow them to goof off in class. Somehow, I believe they think they are entitled to not learning. They'd rather we give them the answers rather than challenging them. With that said, I was craving today. I wasn't sure that I'd be able to make it since my mom is very sick and in a lot of pain. But she woke up this morning feeling great so I was able to go out and get some fresh yoga!

Today I took the All levels Vinayasa Flow class. At least I'd heard this name before so I kind of knew what to expect. It was just what I expected, lots of flow. The instructor wasn't the one that they normally have so I'm not sure of what the relationship that any of the people have.

The energy was fine and she was very nice. She checked on people here and there and went around to see. She also took the time to explain what we were supposed to be doing. I was happy with myself because I was able to do pigeon without complaining so much. I even sat on my knees and only had to stop once to do child's pose. I was thankful for the last class when the instructor showed me how to do cobra correctly. I could feel I was doing it right by the way my spine felt. I could feel the stretching and it felt good.

I believe we stretched everything that was possible to stretch in the body. When I walked out of there, the class seemed like it had gone by quickly, I broke a sweat, and I felt 2 feet taller. My hips I could tell were just a little more aligned and my left side was inflamed but my right side wasn't. I was able to balance with the foot at my shin during tree pose and I could even do side plank with a knee bent. I had made some real progress in just 5 days. My knees felt a little wobbly and my core is still weak but I noticed myself sitting up straight automatically. This is wonderful.

Class was over just as soon as it began so it seemed. I remembered to thank myself and the room and the instructor for having such a wonderful time. This time when I walked out of the center, I noticed something very different. I was aware of how peaceful I was and how much others weren't. I noticed that everyone around me was in a hurry and how people drove in their cars and seemed frustrated that they had to get out and about. I thought to myself, wow - what a wonderful beautiful place this world is and nobody seems to pay any attention. Imagine if only the whole world was as peaceful as I am right now. The light turned red and as I sat in my car, I focused on the outside world. I looked at every car that drove by, I noticed the trees, the people walking, the colors, and the birds. I let the window down and breathed in the air. It really was a beautiful day and I was grateful to be able to see it, hear it, and smell it. My life is changing and frankly, I'm glad.

*Photo from the website: www.yoga.com

Day 4: Kundalini

I've never tried it nor heard of it but, it said on the schedule that it was a level I class. Great! Good for beginners although I'm starting to feel like an ol' pro. I actually understand some of the words. My favorite sound so far has been "Tadasanah." No matter the spelling - It just feels good when I stand up and think, Tada! I'm doing it!

I liked that in the last class, at the end the instructor thanked me for coming and he commented on how well I had done. Maybe that's small and trivial but, it made me feel really confident and good about having been there. I started to realize the importance of thanking my body for having done well too. If I consciously feel that way when somebody thanks me, then my body must feel the same when I thank it.

Time for class: The woman is a bright eyed older lady with slightly curly red locks. We were a small class that night so I felt like I did during the first night, a little timid, a little like I'm intruding on their space. However, that all changed when the instructor saw me before class started, she came over and introduced herself. She made it known that I was welcomed and she hoped I would enjoy the class. That simple little gesture instantly made me feel like I was part of the group and not a shadow on the wall looking in. It made me think of the old dracula movies as in order for a vampire to come in to your home, he/she had to be invited. Silly, I know but then again, I do have a very vivid imagination.

I went in and what I noticed was that everyone had two blankets and had folded one over their mat while the other was in the position for sitting on. I pretended I knew what I was doing and happily walked over to get another blanket. I sat an waited just like everyone else, not knowing what to expect though. My classmates consisted of older European guy, maybe Dutch, German or Norwegian as his accent sounded familiar to me. He was perhaps in his 60's or 70's, adorned himself with large round black glasses and had his shirt tucked in to his modern day daisy duke shorts. I smiled a bit but not to laugh at him, rather in knowing that someday, I'd be as old as he was and hopefully I'd still be doing yoga. I said to myself, I'm glad he is here.

On the other side of me were the younger people, an African guy perhaps, at least judging from his accent he sounded Nigerian maybe. He was definitely a college student, another middle aged Indian woman, and finally a American guy with a good ol' southern drawl. I was slightly tickled again at the fact that we had people from all walks of life and previously, I'd always thought yoga was just another trend sparked by some celebrity. People did it because it got popular in Hollywood and to see these people here, that helped break that idea. In my mind, I thanked them all for being present with me.

The next thing we did was what I thought was a warm up of breathing exercises. We did that quite sometime plus a little bit of chanting. Sat naam I think we said a few times and we even sang a short mantra. Very cool . I could feel my energy opening up or coming in. It was nice.

After we finished this segment of breathing, I realized that the Kundalini was all about breathing. I especially liked that the instructor paid more attention to me since she knew that I was the new kid on the block. She was always looking and I felt like even though she was across the room, that somehow she was tutoring me as we went along. A few times she came over to make sure I was breathing correctly and her moving around the room helped a lot. She remembered me and it made me feel accepted.

We did a lot of movement with something similar to the breath of fire I believe it was, plus maybe some pranayama. Excuse me if I mix up terms at the moment, but I'm still learning. I know I had to breathe really forcefully - exhale push out, inhale push in. It was neat but I got a little light headed and had to stop. We even breathed out of one nostril at a time which seemed to make a difference in my breathing. Very interesting how that works.

Anyway, we continued doing all sorts of things - not too much physical movement but when we did it, boy - we did it! We did it quick and fast to match our breathing. I could only get about 5 of the 10 repetitions that we'd do before my muscles said, no way! I did what I could and kept going as long as possible. I broke a sweat just by breathing! How was that possible? I thought to myself. Finally the end came and shavasanah was much welcomed. My body was tired yet very refreshed. I was breathing well and it seemed like I was breathing in clean air. I was glad to see everyone, even though I had never met them. It's amazing what a little gratitude can do to change your mood.

I didn't stay for the fruits this time but as I was walking out the instructor asked me how did it go. I told her how I felt, great, relaxed, and like I'd had a fantastic workout. She was glad to hear it and I was glad to tell her, thank you.

I will perhaps revist this class again. I left to go straight home as I was super tired. When I got home though, I really needed some tea. I decided that chamomille tea was going to be the best. I never crave tea but I wanted some chamomille and I couldn't figure out why. My roomate comes home and tells me, perhaps I just needed some comfort. When she said I thought, yes! That's it. I had a craving for warm arms all around me and wanted the love to flow through and out to the world. I didn't have anyone with me so, the body pillow had to make due. I drank my tea and then, I laid my head on the pillow. I think I was out before I took even 10 breaths.

I woke that morning with a very strange excited energy. I was happy to be alive and I was glad to see the morning come. Again, I had the gayatri mantra stuck in my head and off to youtube clicked my mouse. Today could only bring happy thoughts and amazing changes. I was ready to tackle work. Today was the first day that someone at work asked me if I had been loosing weight! Yay!

So today, even though it has been a bit - I am on day 3. I decide to take the intermediate class at that same center. It was more of what I was looking for , though he was going quite fast. I had to sit it out when he decided to let everyone do headstands of course. I'm just not ready for that yet.

The class was pretty good, lots of concentration trying to keep our balance and most importantly, the flow. I like having things that move fluidly and quickly, taking a rest from time to time. I like flowing and holding poses and of course, I need the attention to make sure I'm getting postures right. The instructor did a little bit of it all. I think I'm just spoiled from our weekend retreat as I got everything I needed there - and more! I suppose I will get used to the class as I will eventually stop comparing the two. I'll take what I can get.

I left the class feeling like I'd had a workout. I didn't feel so spiritual though as this class lasts until about 9pm. I was more sleepy and tired than anything. I went straight home and right to bed. I had a little bit of applesauce, a roast beef sandwich, and water. Then out like a light. I didn't even stop to turn off the lights in the house.

I woke up the next morning with the chant of the gayatri mantra stuck in my head. I was forced to find it again in youtube and listen to it 108 times as to satisfy that "song in the head" craving...
I started my morning again, quick and frustrated. I'm becoming aware of my actions and habits and what needs to change in order for me to reach a day of 100% calmness.

Day 2: A different yoga

So, now I decided that I wasn't going to return to the other place. I need something a little more spiritual and guiding. I searched in internet for something closer to my workplace this time and I found several places. I decided that this time I'd call the center and speak to someone. If I could feel the warmth through the phone, I'd go and try it. Long shot right? Well guess what...it worked!

I spoke to a woman who really addressed my needs. She knew what kinds of questions to ask me about my current state of health which was something that drew me into the program. They felt like they cared about me. I also got a chance to ask them questions so it was more like I was interviewing them for a position in my well-being. In case you're having the same issues or can't seem to find a place good enough for you, here are some of the questions I asked.

- What kind of yoga is it? I believe I need more stretching and flow than kick your butt type yoga.
- What kind of music is being used? It's very important to me since I'm looking for the spiritual aspect of it as well.
- Is there any chanting before or after the routines? This part of the yoga that I experienced on the retreat really seemed to resonate with me and felt like a cleansing. I'm attracted to that part of yoga as well.
- Do the rooms have air conditioning? Windows? Mirrors? Sounds silly to ask this I thought but the woman on the phone agreed with me that environment was key.
- Finally, class size? How many people attend and are the instructors able to give a few seconds to ensure that each person is doing it the right way? I like to feel taken care of, especially since I'm recovering from 8 weeks of chiropractic treatment for arthritis in the knees and lower back pain.

She answered everything she could and gave me the truth. Although they weren't much on the chanting, the did/do offer a kundalini class at least once a week. The woman told me she was a yoga instructor there at the center and she thought I'd be good for their gentle yoga sessions. I was sold and a few hours later, I found myself standing at their doorstep.

It was just as she said only that night the class was huge. The room was warm and comfortable and there were windows and mirrors. The decoration was minimal but most importantly, the energy of the place was bright and soothing. Just what I needed. The woman who gave the class was very nice and the best part of the yoga, was the end. I loved the ending when she walked around to everyone and put her thumbs on our spine and maybe she had some massage oil too. Whatever she did really topped off the session. Finally, just when I thought it was over, another woman walks in and delivers fruit. Just a few pieces but the instructor announces that it's so our blood sugar level balances back out. We can take it or leave it. I didn't take any this time but I noticed that the people who did had created a little circle of conversation. It was good to seem them chill out around the fruit bowl and talk about their day. It made me miss my brothers and sisters from the forest.

I noticed how I felt this time. Satisfied but still missing a little edge. Maybe it was just me. My body wanted more and I could feel the desire coming up from the soul. Am I addicted to yoga? Hmmm I wonder. I drove home and though I wasn't very tired, I had been sweating. I became fully aware of where the weak parts of my body were, what parts were inflamed and which parts were feeling food. I didn't get that from the other session. I also noticed a good sense of peace within self. I was feeling good. Very good. Better than I had been feeling in a long time... I can't wait for day 3.

The prolonged effect: The next day

I woke up at 5:45am the next day expecting to encounter sore muscles but I didn't. Instead, I felt like I'd just had the best sleep one could imagine. I noticed that I wasn't groggy despite the late night I'd had and since my knees are often the issue, going up and down the stairs usually aches in the morning...that morning, they didn't. I felt like I was on fire in the soul and I was going to attack the day with the best attitude possible. I don't usually meditate in the mornings nor give myself that 10 minutes of peacefulness but when I woke up, I found that some of the chanting from the weekend retreat had found itself back into my brain. It was going on and on so much and so loudly that I had to go straight to YouTube and find the Gayatri mantra and listen to it. I played it 4 times as recommended but at the same time, whenever it would stop, I'd have to start it over again because the house would seem empty without it.

I get to work and only find that my day will be just as tough as always. I don't let it get me down because the only thoughts that were in my head and heart was yoga and the mantra. After work, I have to go to a chiropractic follow up visit. I get there and usually everyone tells me how stressed I look and they ask me about my day. Nobody said anything today. I wondered if they were just as stressed out as I usually am. One woman who works there however, noticed me while I waiting. She commented on how peaceful I looked and she said that today was the first day she'd noticed peace in my expression. She asked me what had I been doing and I said nothing but a little yoga here and there. She responded and told me that it must be working. I suddenly became proud of myself for making this 100 day commitment. I'll get there no matter what. I am happy that I'm getting used to feeling wonderful...

What a comment and only after 2 days. Really a few more if you count the weekend but, wow what a difference. I noticed it and so did others. How empowering is that? I'm glad to be on this journey and I am glad to share it with everyone...

Thus, my experience in the forest has made me want to become a better person - a more stable spirited and minded woman, and of course, more fit. I've decided to continue doing yoga and I wanted a dramatic change so therefore, I shall dedicate myself to 100 days of yoga.

Day 1: Disaster yoga

So, day one of my 100 days of yoga. The first thing I must do is search for a yoga place near me. I was doing some yoga this summer but the place was so far across town that getting there after work would nearly be impossible with all the traffic. I thought of a place near my house which seemed very warm and inviting so I checked their schedules and sure enough - yoga! Yay!

I show up without a mat or any other accessories and asked about getting into the class. The receptionist was quite and all smiles and happy that I would join them. She appointed me to a very cold room of course with only a few candles and there I waited for class to begin.
I was quite excited about the class because I remember how wonderful and liberated I felt from my weekend in the woods. I was yearning to connect to more people on that spiritual level and doing yoga was going to get me there. As I was off in daydream land, the instructor walked in. Very tall, very tan, very thin. She greeted everyone with tales of her lovely beach vacation. I giggled for a moment because though I had been very close to the beach, my paradise was a lot different than hers. Anyway, she began the class...

I was quite happy when she said we'd start the class with an Om. Of course, after having listened to kirtan chanting in person to a man with an amazing voice - I expected this om to be very similar. The class of 5 people, opened their mouths and let out a big fat...teeney tiny. ... ooomm. It lasted about 3 seconds. I was quite disappointed in that... nevertheless, I decided that my intention was going to be to enjoy this class as I make a step forward in the development of my well being. We keep going...

The flow of the class was good I have to say but, something was missing. It was too cold in there and the music she played was all Jack Johnson-ish. I mean, I love the guy but not while I'm doing yoga. I prefer something more spiritual. We did a lot of things that were very quick and flowing and sometimes she'd check us. We ended with a short shavasana which I think lasted about 8 minutes. All in all, it was ok but the energy I felt in there was nothing like this weekend had been. In fact, it felt only sportive rather than spiritual. I felt like there was a need in there to be fit and do exercise. There seemed to be lacking the meditation part which is also very important to me. I must say that when I walked out of there, I felt even more disconnected and the longing to see my brothers and sisters again returned with such passion that I was ready to jump in the car and drive back just to bask a little while longer in their energy. I don't think I'll return to that particular studio again but it hasn't destroyed my determination. I will complete 99 more days!